Feature photo by Felipe Galvan on Unsplash
Tag: love
TOUCHY FRIENDSHIPS: PROCEEDING WITH CAUTION AND CARE
I remember this story from about ten years ago.
A young college girl decided to track down her long-lost cousin. Their families hadnāt spoken to one another for over a decade, so she hadnāt seen or spoken to him since he was six years old. When she got him on the phone, she began the conversation by telling him that whatever his mother had told him about her family wasnāt true. She defended her family and told him he could visit them anytime.
All the guy wanted to do was shut her down. The assumptions sheād made infuriated himāthat he didnāt know the truth, that he hadnāt witnessed any of what happened for himself, and that heād be open to hearing someone trash the mother he loved.
She didnāt understand his anger. Instead, she blathered on, offending him more and more with every word. She was like I was once, rushing headlong into a minefield she didnāt have a clue how to navigate. The result was he never spoke to her again. Thatās sad because they might have become friends.
While someone discussed this story with me, they called the situation between the cousins āloaded.ā It came to mind recently when I thought about other loaded predicaments between people.
Sometimes the relationships are precarious for simple and obvious reasons, and one of you had to set boundaries. Maybe itās an intolerable but understandable behavior issue or substantial differences of opinion. Maybe one of you is married and the other single. Perhaps one of you wants something the other canāt provide. Or youāre at odds with a friend of theirs or a family member and canāt defend yourself or your position without talking trash about the other person.
I once worked with someone recommended by a woman I admired tremendously. He was her partner. When he and I spoke on the phone, he eventually divulged very intimate details about their romantic relationship. He seemed to adore her, which was beautiful, but I didnāt think sheād like me knowing what he was telling me. It made me uncomfortable, so I suppose I put up some barriers, which madeĀ himĀ uncomfortable. Suddenly, he used the withholding punishmentānot keeping me updated about the project, dragging his feet on it, and ultimately not delivering quite what Iād expected. I used someone else for the next project, but thereās now a barrier between the woman who referred him and me. I have no idea what he told her, but the additional weight hampers any interaction with her, and I hate that.
It gets heavier than that. There are situations where people grow up with devastating trauma. Family members have different outlooks about what happened, maybe different experiences. One may still feel the agony of the hurt they or someone else caused in doing what felt right in their heart. Things said may remind you of the pain they caused you or the pain you caused them. Thereās a lot of re-traumatization within the same dynamics or dealing with the family.
I believe itās crucial to become fully aware of all this because situations arenāt loaded when you donāt care about the other person. You could easily blow them off and never have anything to do with them.
To this day, there are people Iād love to drop a line to and ask how theyāre doing or just to say, āI miss you.ā
You can have so much love for a person and at the same time have to handle your interaction with them like youāre holding a piece of glass.
There are no-fly zones.
And sure, itās painful. You wish things were different. We grieve relationships like that. It saddens us that there was so much good, and we cherish the memories to the point of tears. We may wonder, can we ever get it back? If we did, would it ever be the same? Both parties have to come to the table with an open mind. There must be a willingness to walk hand in hand through that mine together. Itās hard because quite often, the trust isnāt there any longer. And you have to be willing to trust someone to do that.
Plenty of people out there can discern these situations, Iām sure, but many of us had to learn that. As I alluded to at the beginning of this post, there was a time Iād have flown my plane right into that restricted zone and not for a moment realize the potential damage Iād cause. Iād gotten used to a cycle of being hurt and fighting back. These days, I think of what I might say in these circumstances and recognize how it could go wrong.
Often, I decide I can say nothing. Or I wonder how to rectify a situation, resolve a conflict, and every way I might think to approach it, I see a flashing red light, and itās just no. Donāt. You canāt. Thereās a need to tread gently, take care.
One might ask themselves:
What are safe topics we can discuss? Should we stick to a public forum in responding to one another rather than talk on the phone or text? Can we support one another in ways that donāt involve us in their lives?
I find these things helpful in dealing with others where the cautions may apply:
Itās often the difference between reacting and responding. Realize youāre communicating with another vulnerable human being who likely has had their own trauma. They are not bulletproof. Sometimes we are blinded by rage, and we keep firing at someone, but we donāt realize theyāre bleeding.
Thereās a difference between reaching out and setting a trap. We canāt be condescending. We may feel weāre in a better place or farther along in our healing, and it may or may not be accurate, but it doesnāt matter. We all have our paths to walk and on our timetable. It goes in that āNot all who wander are lostā category..
It helps to be genuine and sincere under these circumstances, to let go of any bitterness or resentment, and respond only from a place of caring and love. Itās heartbreaking, and it’s tragic, but we can accept it and be grateful these individuals are still in our lives in whatever capacity. We can still love them with all our hearts and send that love to them whenever possible.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Feature Photo by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
UNMERCIFUL: A POEM FROM MY NEW BOOK
My body was a useless entity.
In your presence, it betrayed me.
Like dangerous waters beckoning
In their mystifying beauty.
Their tantalizing fluidity caressed my body
As I resisted taking the plunge.
My body betrayed me,
Ignored me like a preoccupied stranger
With a will of its own.
And, I cruelly learned,
I could control what happened
Only if you were merciful.
But, watching you,
Listening to you,
Was not merciful.
It was a torturous joy.
Feature image above by Stefan Keller from Pixabay
“Unmerciful” is from Awake with the Songbirds Available on Amazon.com
LETTING GO (WITH ā¤ļøLOVE FOR YOU)
Did you know you could die?
Did you want to die, or simply not care?
All that bravado,
A hellion in rebellion,
But you knew things.
And, everything you said was true.
We smoked in the factory corridor,
Played ball in the streets.
Through summer school and Nok Hockey,
You were everything.
Just like those caramel nut sundaes at Klees
And the old rooster we cried for.
You taught me to be tough
And gave the best advice.
Looking after me
When it wasnāt your job.
You needed your space,
Your own place.
You didnāt need a pesty shadow
Like me.
I didnāt understand.
We all loved you.
At least, I thought I loved youā
But I couldnāt see you then.
Ghosts can be so many things.
Whatever haunts you.
And, sometimes, what brings you
A silent joy and blessed peace,
You canāt share it with anyone
But the one who shares it with you.
I see you now.
And, so, I released you
When you needed to go.
Like a balloon to the sky.
Or a butterfly,
Or one of those Wish-niks
You and I loved to cling to.
I do love you now,
And Iāll keep sending love to
Wherever you are.
The memoriesā
Iāll cherish them forever.
And, I hope you forgive me,
As I do you.
Be happy!
Keep shining!
You always did amaze me.
Letting Go from Awake with the Songbirds by Kyrian Lyndon
Photo of sisters in hammock by Janko FerliÄĀ at Unsplash
Photo of rebel woman byĀ Tibi_VarzaruĀ fromĀ PixabayĀ
Photo of caramel nut sundae by chotda on Flicker
Photo of ghost girl byĀ Enrique MeseguerĀ fromĀ PixabayĀ
Photo of red balloon in window by Alfons SchĆ¼lerĀ fromĀ Pixabay
Photo of dandelions byĀ InspiredImagesĀ fromĀ PixabayĀ
BEST FOR ALL OF US TO DO THIS TOGETHER
Image byĀ Gordon JohnsonĀ fromĀ PixabayĀ
As one of those people who believe kindness is a key to survival and, yes, empathy and love, I see that as more evident now than it ever was.
Once upon a time, I worked in a hospital where nurses, children, and hemophiliacs were testing positive for HIV along with heterosexuals who got it from an infected partner. People were saying that quarantining the infected was the solution. Of course, they believed it affected only drug addicts, gay people, sex workers, etc. Some decided it was Godās wrath.
I think most of us agree that law-abiding people with addictions, afflictions or different sexual preferences and ethnicities do not deserve punishment or anyoneās wrath. Itās just the opposite. Theyāre entitled to the same rights and to be treated with equal dignity and respect. We embrace them and love them for who they are because theyāre as worthy of that as we are.
But when HIV was the biggest concern, I heard people say that quarantining the infected was the solution. They, including our leaders, saw no need to aggressively fight the spread of HIV because they didnāt think their own communities could be affected.
Now, here we are with COVID. Many people who might have thought it was an excellent idea to quarantine people back then are talking about their freedom not to wear a mask or get vaccinated. At a time when the disease seemed to affect minorities theyād deemed undesirable, they didnāt question the government or the existence of a pandemic. They somehow found methods of complying with safer sex.
Meanwhile, I guarantee those people infected with HIV would have loved to get vaccinated if it meant the disease going away or not being transmissible. Iām sure most of them willingly did what doctors asked them to do to prevent the spread of this disease.
Thanks to scientists and the gay community who fought tooth and nail for help, effective drugs came along, making HIV no longer a death sentence. Many of those infected live normal lives with the virus and achieve an undetectable status where they canāt infect others.
So, what is the thing about COVID that people suddenly want to be so defiant? Iām sure theyād be outraged if anyone tried to quarantine them or discriminate against them the way they did people with HIV or AIDS. And COVID is so much easier to transmit than HIV. Why would they not, at least, wear a mask?
With all Iāve seen throughout my life, I firmly believe this is not a thing to fool around with, and ego/pride is not anyoneās friend in this sort of crisis.
Please, please, everyone, be safe!
AWAKE WITH THE SONGBIRDS: POETRY BOOK WRITTEN DURING THE LONG COVID PANDEMIC
COMING IN EARLY JULY
This collection consists primarily of poems written during the COVID-19 pandemic, a time of loneliness and rumination.
Lyndonās poetry stems from intense emotions that swing from one end of the pendulum to the other as she captures the agony of love and loss, along with innocent joy and lighthearted fun.
Each poem is an earnest response to life, love, and everything in between.
Here is one poem in the collection.
SAME OLD NEIGHBORHOOD
The neighborhood hasnāt changed,
But the draperies on the windows have been swept aside.
We see you.
Telling someone to go back to where they came from,
To the place where they had no voice
And no choice.
That place where they were beaten,
Neglected and shamed,
Where they never felt safe,
Never had a chance.
Oh, theyād love to go home,
But, home isnāt home anymore.
The neighborhood hasnāt changed,
But, the fanfaronade has consequences.
We hear you.
Itās not just words.
Itās not simply freedom.
Itās a weapon to harm and destroy.
To punish those who arenāt the same.
People just like you commit horrific crimes,
But you donāt identify them
Only with crimes because they mirror you.
People just like you hurt you and fight you and hate you
But, you donāt see them all as threatening because they are you.
The neighborhood hasnāt changed,
But, many more of us want to live here only in peace.
You can make that happen.
So many beautiful people Iāve known in my life
Were those people you rejected,
And they were full of warmth and kindness and wisdom.
You donāt see them because theyāre not the same.
The neighborhood hasnāt changed,
And neither has any divine love for all who live here.
Like you, we are sacred.
All is sacred every moment of every day.
WHAT READERS SAY
āShe has the ability to convey to the reader some of the most complex thoughts into words that truly reach our hearts.āā Love Books
āHer lyrical voice speaks with careful observation and passion. In the narrative mode, she is masterful in reading life around her. Kyrian possesses the sensitivity, insight, and soul of the true poet. Her writing provides a primer on how to compose meaningful poetry.āāLou Jones
***
Please let me know if you are interested in obtaining an advanced review copy or if youād like me to notify you about any upcoming giveaways. There will be a few chances to win a copy in the forthcoming months!
Happy Reading!
THE WORLD NEEDS TO BE FULL OF LOVE š„°
“The rationale seems to be that we keep people as victims by validating them, empathizing with them, and fighting alongside them for equality and the dignity they deserve. I donāt think people are kept down by that. I believe what keeps people down is the constant dismissal of their pain, the degradation, the humiliation, the fear of injustice, and the continuous crushing of their will, their faith, and their hope. This type of oppression kills the self-esteem people need to empower themselves.” ā Kyrian Lyndon
āThe world is getting too small for both an Us and a Them. Us and Them have become codependent, intertwined, fixed to one another. We have no separate fates, but are bound together in one. And our fear of one another is the only thing capable of our undoing.ā ā Sam Killermann
First image by danielaceronmarin10 from Pixabay
Second image by Anderlane Andie from Pixabay
DID YOU SAY GET MARRIED, LOVE?
āLet there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each otherās cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each otherās keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each otherās shadow.ā ā Khalil Gibran
***
I’m about a week late for Valentin’s Day, I know, but things got hectic.š
Anyway, let’s talk about weddings and marriage.
Marriage affords you all kinds of rights, privileges, and benefits, right? My son says itās a bribe that gets the government more taxpayers and soldiersā the assumption being that married couples will procreate. Of course, it’s what they hope. Only decades ago, young, fertile women had a tough time getting a tubal ligation procedure. Doctors willing to perform it would not do so without her husbandās permission. There are people who’d still deny you birth control if they could.
Naturally, too, divorce comes with consequences. Some women wore that ādivorceeā label like a scarlet letter disgrace. Real-life Alan Harpers support luxurious lives for partners who kick them out while they canāt afford even a decent life for themselves. Iām sure there are situations where people deserve their downfall, but itās often wholly unwarranted.
Even a young widowed female is often judged harshly as a single parent as if she had any choice in the matter. I can attest to that. Other mothers are wary of you, often not even knowing how you ended up a single parent. All they know is you donāt seem to have a husband, and though you donāt deserve to be penalized for that, no matter the reason, they prefer the company of other married women. Your child gets ostracized in the process.
Oh, donāt worry, I fixed all that when my son was in the first grade by baking chocolate chip cheesecakes for the schoolās annual food festival. The moms and teachers couldn’t resist that cake. š And my son remedied it, as well, by being funny and smart. Eventually, we made many friends, but society is far more comfortable with the traditional norms.
Admittedly, I love the idea of marriage and being someoneās wife but not necessarily its reality.
Similarly, you can include me among those who love the āideaā of a wedding. As for being the center of attention on an anxiety-filled day of continuous pressure, no, thank you, but you go ahead; Iāll watch.
FANTASY vs. REALITY
When I was a little girl, I told my mother Iād never get marriedāthat I was going to be so busy, I wouldnāt have time to be anyoneās wife. At the same time, I was enchanted by the classic Rodgers & Hammersteinās Cinderella and madly in love with Prince Charming. He sang:
Do I love you because youāre beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
It was a fascinating dilemma for my underdeveloped brain. That song and others from that musical are still on my iPod.
So, I am at least somewhat sentimental, don’t you agree? To be honest, I posted the live performance of āMarry Youā above not only because I like the song but because Bruno Mars reminds me of my first ārealā boyfriend.
But do me a favor now. Picture your fantasy of an ideal wedding. Got that picture in mind? All right, well, in my family, one wedding reception ended with both male and female cousins entangled in a brawl with people at the wedding next door. One male cousin pulled out a gun. The other (male) went crashing into the ladiesā room mirror in search of someone to fight. At another reception, two of my middle-aged cousins rolled around on the floor, fighting for the brideās tossed bouquet. And then there was the time the priest stopped the ceremony to wait for my father to finish loudly explaining to his grandson (my son) how to use his new camera. š®
But there are the moments that move you, for sure. I got all teary-eyed once as someone Iād known my entire life proceeded to the altar with the man she wouldnāt give up on no matter how tough the road got. They are divorced now, and I can’t say I blame her, but you get the idea.
OH, BUT THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL!
What I do love is the planning of a wedding. Of course, I love to plan. I am a novelist. No, I wouldnāt want a job planning weddings, but Iād get psyched creating a dream wedding to marry off my charactersā unique destinations, gorgeous flowers, creating an ambiance, picking out cake. I love cake! (Maybe you remember that from above.) And then the music for the special dances and the party! The poet in me comes alive with music, and my emotions are all over the place. Laugh, cry, dance, singāitās all good. Iām a fan of all kinds of music, including classical wedding music, which I also have on my iPod.
And you know what else is beautiful?
The devoted couples who happily grow old together. Yep, itās all so beautifully romantic. I have the utmost respect for the men and women whoāve decided on the person they want to spend forever with rather than continue to look elsewhere for ego gratification. Since childhood, Iād witnessed so much willingness, even eagerness, to be unfaithful. What makes life magical is the bond between people and everything they create together.
(This playlist includes some of my favorite classical music for weddings.)
So, what did I do when I finally got married, you ask?
My fiancĆ© and I went to a judgeās house on Long Island. It was just the two of us, the judge and the judgeās wife, and we couldnāt help laughing like school kids that we were getting married, but it was perfect. I cherished every moment.
He was a kindred spirit that I treasured with all my heart, and the desire or willingness to replace him has yet to come. I liked being married to him, well, most of the time. I also wanted to be spoken for in that there was less explaining to do when I had to say no to an advance. What I liked even more than that was the ultimate realization that you donāt need to explain. š
For lyrics to this song (because I love the lyrics), go here.
Gladiatrix fight photo by Hans Splinter
HAPPY SURVIVAL: THE TRUTH ABOUT LIFE AFTER TRAUMA
People run from life in many ways. We can want a hug so desperately and yet recoil from it. We can crave love more than anything and build fortresses to keep it away. Thereās this idea that the more bridges we burn, the harder it will be to go back to the things that caused us pain. Sometimes, that is true, but, at the same time, we keep looking for that place where we belong, and, in some situations, trying almost too hard to fit in, until we accept, with a great deal of shame, that we need to move on. Reaching out to people is overwhelming and terrifying, but we try it, and when we feel unheard, we vanish again. So many goodbyesāāuntil we donāt want to do the relationship thing anymore or the intimacy thing or ask anyone for help or love or whatever the hell we need. Intimacy doesnāt seem worth any of that, and we lose interest. We shut down, close our doors for business, and thrive in our safe, predictable worlds.
We wonder if we are crazy, but people tell us only sane people question their sanity. Sometimes we think weāre monsters, but we come to learn that monsters feel no guilt, no shame, and no love. We do love, from a distance and we absorb the worldās pain.
In my twenties and beyond, I kept changing my name, my hair color, my address, my phone number, my jobāyou name it. It was as if I couldnāt run fast enough, couldnāt hide in a safe enough place. Without realizing it, I was running away from the trauma of childhood and teen years.
At some point in the healing process, something tells you that you donāt need to hide anymore. You donāt need to run, so you try not to. Whatās unsettling is how far you can come in your healing and still get thrown back there in a heartbeat.
Progress can seem slow, but it keeps happening. Iām not a patient person, but Iāve learned to be patient about healing. Iāve had to, and I love healing because Iāve reaped its rewards. Often, I look back and ask myself, “How did I survive, being such an idiot for most of my life?” That may seem harsh, but in light of how far Iāve come, it makes sense. We canāt fix what we donāt know is broken. We canāt benefit from learning the truth about ourselves until we feel safe in rejecting the lies.
As survivors, we want this healing for everyone while needing to learn, too, that people are only ready when theyāre ready. And itās painful when we love people who need desperately to heal but remain trapped in their fear. Sometimes we wish we could absorb every bit of their agony; even it means holding on to all of it ourselves because we know we can handle it. We have.
We can’t get stuck in that inability to forgive either. Itās understandable because we witness so much unnecessary cruelty toward ourselves and others, and we donāt know what to do with that. For instance, how do you come to terms with the fact that someone willfully tried to destroy another person, or that personās reputation, or his or her life, that they did everything in their power to annihilate another human being?
What I realized, quite a long time ago, is that revenge and punishment are not up to me. Divine retribution happens without the least bit of my helpāno matter how we interpret divinity and even if we are divinity in the sense that we represent it in the universe. It works that way because we canāt destroy people without destroying ourselves. If itās destruction we want, itās destruction weāll get, and itās never one-sided.
A better solution is to keep following our path and goals andĀ let go of the burdens people give us to hold. The weight comes from feelings of not belonging or being worthy and accepted as we are. It comes from others mischaracterizing us or our actions to suit their agendas and punishing us for not being who they need us to be, not wanting what they require us to want.
We have to find our own happily ever after. Itās undoubtedly not the same for everyone, and thatās another place we can get stuckāwanting what we donāt have and realizing itās not even what we want but what we think weāre supposed to want and have. Most people want to find that special someone, get that dream house and job. From the time I was eight years old, what I wanted was differentāmaybe, in some ways, the opposite of what everyone else wanted. It took me a while to realize that I have everything Iād ever wanted or needed in my life and, while I may have moments of feeling sad for another or sad for the world, I am happy.
One thing Iāve always known is to never give up. It does get better, a little at a time, but it gets so much better. Our survival not only gives hope to others but sharing our experiences allows us to help in their healing. We help each other, yes, and we give each other the love thatās been so hard for us to ask for or accept.
I’m not a religious type, but the prayer below has always been my favorite. It can certainly get you through it.Ā ā¤ļø
Copyright Ā©Ā Kyrian Lyndon November 2018
ANNOUNCEMENT! NEW MAGAZINE!
Brave Wings is a new online magazine that focuses on the human conditionāwhatever we experience in life that helps us learn, grow, and evolve. Sharing perspectives about healing and empowerment can be exciting and helpful, but we also want to provide entertainment and fun while sharing the beauty of creativity.
Some of the topics we will cover:
Adversity, anxiety, artist(s), authors, books, writing (editing tips and experiences), childhood, classic literature, codependency, compassion, creativity, depression, dreams, ego, evolving, feeling unworthy, fiction pieces and excerpts, fun, giving back, gratitude, grief, growing, healing, hope, humanity, humility, humor, inspiration, interviews, judgment, learning, letting go, life, loss, love, mental health, narcissism, oppression, panic attacks, parenting, passion, poetry, politics, prejudice, reading and reviews, recovery from addiction and trauma, relationships, religion, romance, sadness, self-sabotage, self-care and self-love, shame, stigma, stress, and tolerance.
For entertainment, we are interested in short stories and book series (all genres). Weāre interested in humor.
For creativity, we may be interested in photos, handmade products, something that showcases your talent.
Content for submission will include blogs, videos, audios, slideshows, and photographs. Please see the submissions page for instructions on how to submit!
We will not pay for submissions at this time. However, we will always share your work on our social media sites, and we encourage all contributors to share magazine contents submitted by others on their social media sites. Helping one another with exposure is what will make this site work.
In addition, we will provide the following for all contributors to the magazine:
A listing in the contributor section, where more information (links, etc.) will be added with each contribution. The most frequent contributors may also have a few of their books, products, or recommendations in the listing.
The opportunity by contributors to submit news that provides opportunities for artistic communities, as well as their own business events and significant personal news, all of which we will share on our social media sites.
Access to the chat room (as a moderator, if they prefer), and the ability to hold monitored topic meetings to promote their talent/business.
For those privileges, you must be a regulator contributor. There are no deadlines. However, you must have contributed at least twice with acceptance and publication.
We do intend to have a community that includes a discussion forum and chat room where we can present topics hosted by contributors.
Our Announcement page will provide news of available opportunities within the artistic communities, including contests and contributor events.
We will post book reviews that are submitted by contributors, but we donāt assign books for review.
We will post interviews by our contributors if they are relative to our platform. If you feel you are a good candidate for an interview, contact us at submissions@bravewingsmag.com.
If this venture is a success, we may eventually monetize and pay for content.
For those interested in getting involved, we may also need editors, site moderators, group moderators, page moderators, etc. who will have contributor status. Those most involved will be given domain e-mail addresses for the magazine. We have four more available, so if you love this idea, the opportunity is there to get as involved as youād like.
Another thing Iām tossing around is whether weāll have a group or newsletter for interested parties, so please, please, weigh in with your thoughts about everything! All suggestions are welcome!
Please visit our site at Bravewings.mag.com, and feel free to follow or subscribe.
LAST WORD
You made me laugh,
And I forgot all the tears.
You helped me up,
And I forgot the times
You let me down.
You were hatred,
Just as surely as
You were love.
You were everything right
And everything wrongā
Humility and
Defiance,
Cruelty
And kindness,
Approval and
Contempt.
You were everything
And nothing.
I had to let you go,
And it freed me.
Still, Iām sad,
For I know
Who you might have been.
I know you so wellā¦
But you do not know me. – Kyrian Lyndon
from Remnants of Severed Chains
Book cover design by Jah Kaine via jerboa Design Studios.com
Feature header photo by ara ghafoory @araghafoory
Poem copyright Ā© Kyrian Lyndon 2015
BEFORE YOU FORGET AGAIN: YOU ARE AN AMAZING TRIUMPH!
The robin in your tender heart
Hungers for the red berry
That titillates your tongue.
She carols as the snow fallsā
And not with the chorus of the dawn
In radiant spring.
What might have been?
Your voice silenced,
The spirit of you
Destroyed,
I see glimpses of your fire
From the light that has vanished
From your eyes.
Your wings soar,
Only not to follow
Your heart.
And your heart is that of
A child,
Deeply vulnerable,
Precious,
So sensitive,
And sweet.
You inspire me
To change my perspective
With your unique vision
Of the world.
You shine with your brilliance,
And you donāt know.
Your bursts of laughter
Make me smile.
As always, you are the light
In my darkness;
Your spirit is the fire I feel
In the sun’s warmth.
You were the dawn of my awakening,
And the splendor of my dreams.
And I have cried
For your heart
More than I have ever cried
For my own.
I am torn apart by
The intensity of your pain.
It is profound sadness
I feel,
When I think Iāve reached you
And then hit another wallā¦
Hard.
I fear losing you forever
To your grief,
As I grieve, too,
For the subtleties
And cues
You donāt understand.
Avoiding the eyes of others ā¦
Your intense frustration
In trying to get it right,
And thinking you have it all wrong.
You have it right,
So rightā
Always did,
Always will.
I only wish you could know
The joy
Of being free.
The tentative smiles,
The looks of uncertainty,
Prompt me to tell you,
You got this.
Youāll be fine.
Whatever the passion,
Let it burn.
It will save you.
Retrieve every shattered fragment
Of your soul.
Accept it,
Embrace it,
Bless it with your peace.
Give it mighty and glorious wings,
And let it fly where it leads
Without fear,
Into the twilight of an infinite sky.
Be happy,
Shine,
Glow.
Love,
Dance,
Sing.
Celebrate yourself
And don’t stop singing
Your life’s song.
The song is your vision,
Your passion;
It belongs to you.
Without it,
You wither and die.
Don’t you, for one moment,
Let anyone crush your beautiful spirit.
Know, too, those who have crushed you
Have been crushed.
Those who pain you have been pained.
Still, you can rise again,
Become completely alive again
And shine on,
Just as you did before all the hurt began.
You are not defective,
My dear one,
Not a burden,
Nor do you struggle alone.
Iām here with you.
I will always be with you.
You are
In every way
Beautiful.
Though you donāt see that,
And you never have.
I just love you.
Ā© Copyright October 9, 2016 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
SHADOWS OF MY SOUL by Kyrian Lyndon
SHADOWS OF MY SOUL
Reality to me is the dusk,
Prevalence in the shadows.
It is cloaking,
Grasping,
Discerning
In a world of darkness.
It is torment.
It is restraint.
The beauty of the peaceful lull amid the
Trees just before sunrise
Lies in contrast with the hazy tumult of my
Self-inflicted tomb.
I am in awe of every vision.
I bask in the passion of every caress.
Every bit of air I breathe is a godsend.
I could listen with the stillness of the ocean
Before daybreak
To the waves amid a blue-violet sky.
I could dance with flair and gaiety to the music
With a glow that illuminates me.
There is no one else Iād rather beā
Unless it were to love you.
You are all that I crave.
Ā© Copyright March 1, 2005 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved.
JUST THINK NOW: IS IT LOVE OR OBSESSION?
Some people have the discernment required in connecting with others. Many, despite their intelligence, self-sufficiency, and well-meaning hearts often find themselves in unhealthy relationships.
There was a time that I, too, lacked that discernment. I had to learn the hard way never to ignore the following.
1) Red Flags Waving
We witness behavior that raises an eyebrow, things we donāt ordinarily condone. It could be cruel, inappropriate, abusive, or manipulative behavior toward another, derogatory remarks, infidelity, and lack of boundaries or respect for boundaries. Sometimes a person admits to being a jerk, a bastard, or a bitch, and our first instinct is to contradict and thereby comfort them. Sometimes we think because a person can be sweet and charming to us, we are the exception, the chosen one who will make it all better. Weāre not, and we wonāt.
2) The Pedestal
Our perception of this person goes from one extreme to another. He or she walks on water or is a monster. We have defined who they areāessentially, a paragon of the ideal. We decided beforehand how they should behave and respond. Itās not reality-based, and itās not love. It is obsessionāa persistent and disturbing preoccupation with an unreasonable idea. What weāre feeling has nothing to do with that person. We canāt love someone we donāt see. They are no more than a channel for what we need. An obsession is an addiction. It distorts our perception and impairs judgment. It comes with denial and control patterns that become manipulation. There is no direct communication about needs and desires. Resentments build, fester, and then erupt into anger. When reality kicks in, it is a long tumble for that person up on the pedestal to the ground. Unrealistic expectations create devastating disappointment.
3) Unnecessary risks
We are willing to compromise ourselves and our well-being when we donāt have to and sometimes the safety and well-being of others. We may rush headlong into a physical relationship with little knowledge and a good measure of denial instead of awareness, education, and caution.
4) Compromised principles
There is unwilling compliance to avoid wrath and rejection. We find ourselves continually compromising our principles and lowering our standards.
5) The Stranger in the Mirror
We donāt recognize ourselves. We donāt like who we are in this situation or relationship, or we donāt like who we are becoming or the way we feel, act or think. We were never this whiny, this controlling, this hurt, this confused. We sometimes feel like a basket case. At the same time, we have an unbalanced self-esteem. We feel the other person could not possibly want to live without us, even while we find it increasingly difficult to live with ourselves.
6) Goals On Hold
The relationship distracts us from our goals or seems to have replaced them. It happens in new relationships, but if we are unable to get back on track or have abandoned our dreams entirely, itās a problem.
7) Confusion and More Confusion
We donāt know what to believe because our judgment and perception remain clouded.
8) Way Too Much Stress
We are not taking care of business or ourselves. We may feel more paranoid, more OCD, more anxious. People have a lot to work through in relationships. Stress is normal, but constant stress that renders our lives unmanageable is not.
9) Bondage Without Leather & Chains or That Monkey On Your Back
We try to fight it. We want to be free of this person. At the same time, we want nothing and no one to come between that person and us. We may isolate to have more time to focus on our obsession. When what we want dangles before us, we canāt resist. When deprived of it, we are sickāmentally, emotionally, sometimes physically. We may feel we cannot be honest about this relationship or situation with anyone including ourselves. We continue to want the same thing from this individual not realizing that after a while, we donāt enjoy it, and maybe we never did, yet we still need it. The moments of comfort and bliss are fleeting. A feeling of emptiness prevails. It causes agonizing pain for us. We may feel as if we are in bondage because we are. At times, we canāt stand up for ourselves because we are somehow at a disadvantage and at the mercy of our obsession.
Here is the question to ask, what is the payoff? Because there is one. An issue we likely didnāt know we had made us vulnerable in this situation. We were addicted to at least one thing this liaison was getting for us, and itās doing a lot more harm than good.
Love, on the other hand, is good, but to feel comfortable when loving and receiving love in return, we must know we are worthy. Getting to that place opens another door in the journey of our recovery from past trauma and emotional abuse. Beyond it, more beauty awaits and more joy.
Nine Inch Nails: The Perfect Drug (1997) from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.
9 Warning Signs That You Are In A Dangerous Relationship
What Self-Love Means: 20+ Ways to Be Good to Yourself
Ā© Copyright May 24, 2015 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
VALENTINE’S DAY ā A BEAUTIFUL TRIUMPH FOR LOVE
I always made jokes about Valentine’s Day. Aside from getting heart-shaped boxes of chocolate in scarlet red, what could you do on Valentine’s Day that you couldn’t do any other day?
Then again, it sort of celebrates love, and while you can celebrate love every day, and I do, what’s wrong with another excuse to get all mushy and sweet? Besides, life becomes more and more precious, along with every good thing in it, so bring it on.
Let’s start with music. I put together my first YouTube playlist (took forever), and these are some of my picks for the most beautiful, most romantic songs of all time. It was a labor of love for me. If I couldn’t get paid to write all day, I’d love to get paid for listening to music.
Click the menu (those three little lines in the upper left corner) to see the list. I could have added more songs, but I know you don’t have all day. Or do you? š
Please feel free to make suggestions, too, in the comment box here or on Facebook where the post appears.
And, of course, words without music can be beautiful, too.
I’ll include some poetry at the end, but what about books or movies that are perfect for the occasion? Here’s my list but, again, please feel free to make suggestions.
Wuthering Heights
Casablanca
Gone with the Wind
Sleepless in Seattle
Pride and Prejudice
Dirty Dancing
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Love Story
Ghost
His Girl Friday
An Affair to Remember
Singing in the Rain
Last Tango in Paris
Mahogany
Love & Basketball
Bonnie and Clyde
Cyrano de Bergerac
Lady Chatterley’s Lover
Anna Karenina
A Tale of Two Cities
Rebecca
The Count of Monte Cristo
“Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.”āKhalil Gibran
“Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire.”āFranƧois VI de la Rochefoucault
“How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said.”āVictor Hugo
“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you … I could walk through my garden forever.”ā Alfred Tennyson
āLove never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.ā ā AnaĆÆs Nin
āThe very first moment I beheld him, my heart was irrevocably gone.āā Jane Austen, Love and Friendship
“Thus with a kiss I die.”āWilliam Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
Yummly Valentine’s Day Dinner Ideas
Romantic Dinners for Two
Date Night Dinner Recipes
Incredible Chocolate Dessert Recipes
Happy Home Fairy’s Fun Games to Play for Valentine’s Day
Kids Cooking Valentine’s Day Recipes
Ā© Copyright February 12, 2015 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
LOVE OR ADDICTION?
Some people are fortunate to have the discernment required in connecting with others. Many, despite their intelligence, self-sufficiency, and well-meaning hearts find themselves in unhealthy relationships. I see it happening often.
Based on experience, I offer these warning signs.
Red flags have been waved and ignored.
We witness behavior that raises an eyebrow, things we don’t ordinarily condone. It could be cruel, inappropriate, abusive, or manipulative behavior, derogatory remarks, infidelity, and lack of boundaries or respect for boundaries. Sometimes a person admits to being a jerk, a bastard, or a bitch, and our first instinct is to contradict and thereby comfort them. Sometimes we think because a person can be sweet and charming to us, we are the exception, the chosen one who will make it all better. We’re not.
Someone is on a pedestal.
Your perception of this person goes from one extreme to another. He or she walks on water or is a monster. You have defined who they areāessentially, a paragon of the ideal. You decided beforehand how they should behave and respond. It’s not reality based, and it’s not love. It is obsessionāa persistent and disturbing preoccupation with an unreasonable idea or feeling. What you’re feeling has nothing to do with that person. You can’t love someone you don’t see. They are no more than a channel for what you need. An obsession is an addiction. It distorts our perception and impairs judgment. It comes with denial and control patterns that become manipulation. There is no direct communication about needs and desires. Resentments build and fester then erupt into anger. When reality kicks in, it is a long tumble for that person up on the pedestal to the ground. Unrealistic expectations create devastating disappointment.
Unnecessary risks are taken.
You are willing to compromise yourself and your well-being when you don’t have to and sometimes the safety and well-being of others. You may rush headlong into a physical relationship with little knowledge and a good measure of denial instead of awareness, education, and caution.
Principles are compromised.
There is unwilling compliance to avoid wrath and rejection. You find yourself continually compromising your principals and lowering your standards.
You don’t recognize yourself.
You have an unbalanced self-esteem. You feel the other person could not possibly want to live without you. At the same time, you donāt like who you are in this situation or relationship. You donāt like who you are becoming or the way you feel, act or think. You were never this whiny, this jealous, this possessive, this hurt, this confused. You sometimes feel like a basket case.
The relationship impedes your progress.
The relationship distracts you from your goals or seems to have replaced them. It happens in new relationships, but if you are unable to get back on track or have abandoned your dreams entirely, it’s a problem.
You are often confused.
You donāt know what to believe because your judgment and perception remain clouded.
It’s stressing you out.
Eating and sleeping patterns may have changed. You are not properly taking care of business or yourself. You may feel more paranoid, more OCD, more anxious. People have a lot to work through in relationships. Stress is normal, but constant stress that renders your life unmanageable is not.
You feel like you are in bondage.
You try to fight it. You want to be free of this person. At the same time, you want nothing and no one to come between you. You may isolate to have more time to focus on your obsession. When what you want is dangled before you, you can’t resist. When deprived of it, you are sickāmentally, emotionally, sometimes physically. You may feel you cannot be honest about this relationship or situation with anyone including yourself. You continue to want the same thing from this individual not realizing that after a while, you don’t enjoy it, and maybe you never did, yet you still need it. The moments of comfort and bliss are fleeting. A feeling of emptiness prevails. It causes agonizing pain for you. You may feel as if you are in bondage because you are. At times, you can’t stand up for yourself because you are somehow at a disadvantage, at the mercy of your obsession.
Nine Inch Nails: The Perfect Drug (1997) from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.
This unhealthy connection can exist in friendships as well or in relationships with family members.
It helps to determine what the addiction is for you in this case. What is the payoff? What is the issue that has made you so vulnerable?
Love is good, but to feel comfortable loving and receiving love in return, we must know we deserve it. We must know we are worthy. Getting to that place opens another door in the journey of our recovery from past trauma and emotional abuse. Beyond it, more beauty awaits, and more joy.
9 Warning Signs That You Are In A Dangerous Relationship
What Self-Love Means: 20+ Ways to Be Good to Yourself
Ā© Copyright May 24, 2015 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
AN OPEN LETTER TO YOUR INNER CHILD BY ALISON NAPI
I am often in awe of beautiful things shared from the heart. This “love letter”, by Alison Napi, appeared on Rebelle Society, one of my favorite sites. It speaks to many of us, regardless of what we may believe about miracles and God. It’s worth sharing over and over. Enjoy.
An Open Letter to Your Inner Child
by Alison Napi
To the child who couldnāt understand
why nobody could understand.
To the one whose hand was never taken,
whose eyes were never gazed into by
an adult who said,
āI love you.
You are a miracle.
You are holy,
right now and
forever.ā
To the one who grew up in the realm of ācanāt.ā
To you who lived ānever enough.ā
To the one who came home to no one there, and
there but not home.
To the one who could never understand why
she was being hit
by hands, words, ignorance.
To the one whose innocence was unceremoniously stolen.
To the one who fought back.
To the one who shattered.
To the never not broken one.
To the child who survived.
To the one who was told she was
sinful, bad, ugly.
To the one who didnāt fit.
To she who bucked authority
and challenged the status quo.
To the one who called out
the big people for
lying, hiding and cruelty.
To the one who never stopped loving anyway.
To the child that was forbidden to need.
To the ones whose dreams were crushed
by adults whose dreams were crushed.
To the one whose only friend
was the bursting, budding forest.
To the ones who prayed to the moon,
who sang to the stars
in the secrecy of the night
to keep the darkness at bay.
To the child who saw God
in the bursting sunshine of
dandelion heads
and the whispering
clover leaf.
To the child of light who cannot die,
even when sheās choking
in seven seas of darkness.
To the one love
I am and you are.
You are holy.
I love you.
You are a miracle.
Your life,
your feelings,
your hopes and dreamsā
they matter.
Somebody failed you but you will not fail.
Somebody looked in your eyes and saw the sun ā blazing ā and got scared.
Somebody broke your heart but your love remains perfect.
Somebody lost their dreams and thought you should too,
but you mustnāt.
Somebody told you
that you werenāt
enough
or too much,
but you are
without question
the most perfect
and holy creation of
Godās
own
hands.
*****
{You Are Loved}
from:Ā An Open Love Letter to Your Inner ChildĀ on Rebelle Society
SHADOWS OF MY SOUL
This poem appears in my first book, “A Dark Rose Blooms.”
Ā
SHADOWS OF MY SOUL
Reality to me is the dusk,
Prevalence in the shadows.
It is cloaking,
Grasping,
Discerning
In a world of darkness.
It is torment.
It is restraint.
The beauty of the peaceful lull amid the
Trees just before sunrise
Lies in contrast with the hazy tumult of my
Self-inflicted tomb.
I am in awe of every vision.
I bask in the passion of every caress.
Every bit of air I breathe is a godsend.
I could listen with the stillness of the ocean
Before daybreak
To the waves amid a blue-violet sky.
I could dance with flair and gaiety to the music
With a glow that illuminates me.
There is no one else Iād rather beā
Unless it were to love you.
You are all that I crave.
Ā© Copyright March 1, 2005 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission from the author.
Feature photo by Sebastian Unrau @sebastian_unrau
HAPPY FALL
Ode to Autumn
by John Keats
Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run;
To bend with apples the moss’d cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
For Summer has o’er-brimm’d their clammy cells.
Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap’d furrow sound asleep,
Drows’d with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twinƩd flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook;
Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.
Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,ā
While barrƩd clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the river sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The red-breast whistles from a garden-croft;
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.
John Keats is one of my favorite poets and for most of my life, fall was my favorite season.
I grow more resistant to the dark evenings of fall as I get older and more inclined to embrace the endless light of summer. However, autumn would not be the same with infinite light and glorious sun, would it? It is a cozy time of cool breezes, warm fires, and precious memories. The darkness, while haunting and a bit unsettling, has its mesmeric beauty.
The video below shows the splendor of fall with audio of Eva Cassidy’s spellbinding voice in ‘Falling Leaves’, a song about autumn and loss. For me, it is bittersweet. My husband died young on a summer day. I can relate to this sentimentāsaying goodbye to two seasons. As I parted with a season of light, I parted, too, with a season of love. It is the end of a time and a necessary rebirth, yes bittersweet but beautiful.
Happy Fall!
PASSIONS AND DREAMS
My nephew, Christopher, was about six when he gazed out the window in the backseat of the car and said, “I’m just afraid I will run out of things to draw.”
He began at an early age, sketching and drawing – leaving people in awe of his talent. Every year his mom helped him put together a calendar featuring his artwork.
You can see brilliance in his eyes when he talks to you, especially about art. When I ask him if he can do a certain thing, the answer is, “Of course, I can!” He is chock full of confidence.
It is not hard to believe in someone like him. He is, above all, kind, caring and a sensitive soul. We not only believe in him, we celebrate him. He touches our hearts and remains such a light in a dark world.
I feel the same way about my own son who was educating strangers about Jupiter’s moons in the first grade. They are two people who came into the world with their own gifts and talents, giving you a clear sense of who they were from the start. I can attest to this much: when you know, from childhood, what you are and what you love, you cannot imagine any other life. I feel strongly, people must allow you to be the person you are, not the vision of you and your future they have in mind.
It is easy to recognize the apathy and pain of someone who never lived their dream, someone left to wonder what the outcome might have been had they followed their heart. You see glimpses of their fire, traces of the light gone from their eyes. They had their spirits crushed, their voices silenced, their true selves obliterated.
Children need to hold on to their natural confidence and infectious enthusiasm, along with the ability to trust their instincts. My heart tells me, we need to not only believe in them, but also show them how much we do.
Perhaps this is one reason experiencing an incredible contribution to the arts ā everything from singing and drawing to dancing ā can move me to tears. I realize people make incredible achievements every single day, ones I don’t see. They may not have an audience or applause, but their achievements are no less important. Seeing people get out there, however, doing the thing they love most and nailing it speaks to the person inside many of us that says, I want to do what I love as fearlessly as that. I want to celebrate that fearless moment where I succeed in reaching the hearts of others, where we all participate and share the passion and joy. My heart sings in contentment. It is one of life’s beautiful and most cherished experiences.
For me, it is.
In these moments, I don’t think about the harrowing destruction of our world or the harrowing destruction of humanity. It is a brief lull, because I don’t want to ignore that – all the suffering, all the pain, all the hatred. It has affected me profoundly since childhood, and while I search my heart for solutions, I can only counteract with love and a message of oneness. I believe we all can in some way, especially if we have a voice or means of communicating our passion and love to the world. It is one small contribution of many, until we can do better.
Those of us who have made it thus far with our dreams intact are eternally grateful. Whatever the passion – no matter what happens in life, it is there, and it saves you. It just might save others, too.
Ā© Copyright August, 2014 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
D.K. SANZ 