Iāve been shut down and holed up here in my little world, feeling very disconnected. Itās like I activated my āoff buttonā and canāt seem to switch it back on for long. I wonder how many of you need to do that now and then. I also had a sinus infection and then a pinky toe stress fracture, which I still have.
Last Friday, I went to have blood work doneāall ready to do the people thing. The nurse drawing the blood didnāt have a printout for the thyroid part of the order. She told me to go to the front desk and ask them to print out that order. When I did that, they printed the same one she already had, and the nurse told me to go back again and tell them it wasnāt the correct printout. So, the woman at the front desk got all flustered. She complained to someone on the phone that this was āreally stressing her out.ā I have to walk back and forth with one sneaker and one shoe cast s to get printouts that should be in the lab, andĀ sheāsĀ stressed out. Then she keeps repeating into the phone, āI know. I know, right?ā
At one time in my life, I would have had to say something to her, but I just wanted to achieve what I was there to accomplish and get out of there. I explained politely, remaining calm, and someone eventually took care of it. I mean, have your little hissy fit, just give me what I need, and Iām gone. These little things are not worth my peace anymore.Ā
Anyway, during the healing process, I have been writing a lot. My new poetry book is almost complete. A paranormal fantasy book is underway, along with the sequels to Shattering Truths.Ā
The idea I had for a non-fiction book has turned into something else entirelyāa somewhat shocking recovery memoir. Itās not fiction like Shattering Truths, so, for me, it is a huge deal. Iāve written most of it already, and I hope I donāt change my mind about publishing it. I believe it can, at the very least, be helpful to someone.Ā
Iāll be looking for beta readers whoād like to read along and give input for any of these projects.
Of course, Iāve been reading a lot of books, too. Right now, I have a few lined up that are about Edinburgh detectives. Itās what Iām into right now, reading about Scotland and these mystery thrillers.
I watched a lot of the heartbreaking Derek Chauvin trial, and I’ve read about all these shootings across the country (including a recent one in my county on Long Island). For quite a while now, this whole world has needed a reset button. I always thought if there is a divine message for us, it would be, āStart over, people. You can do way better than that.ā
Ā I am such a fan of the 100. I love Suits, and Dark Shadows is one of my all-time favorites. Lucifer is hilarious, and I like Bridgerton, but Iām still waiting to see what all the fuss is about.
(It takes me a long time to get through a series because I may watch one show a night.)
What about you? What are you watching? Let me know in the comments, and, stay safe and well! ā¤ļø
“The rationale seems to be that we keep people as victims by validating them, empathizing with them, and fighting alongside them for equality and the dignity they deserve. I donāt think people are kept down by that. I believe what keeps people down is the constant dismissal of their pain, the degradation, the humiliation, the fear of injustice, and the continuous crushing of their will, their faith, and their hope. This type of oppression kills the self-esteem people need to empower themselves.” ā Kyrian Lyndon
āThe world is getting too small for both an Us and a Them. Us and Them have become codependent, intertwined, fixed to one another. We have no separate fates, but are bound together in one. And our fear of one another is the only thing capable of our undoing.ā ā Sam Killermann
During the George Floyd protests, online activists listed book titles that would help increase black history awareness. The Autobiography of Malcolm X: As Told to Alex Haley was among those recommended to me.
With this writing, Malcolm X hoped to shed light on how growing up in the black ghettoes shaped his life and character. And he knew it would require a great deal of objectivity on the readerās part.
Indeed, there are harsh truthsāpainful and soul-crushing truths that justify every bit of anger black people feel. There arealso misogynistic generalizations along with expressed anger and vindictiveness particularly toward white women, but, as he stated later in the book, āAnger can blind human vision.ā
It works both ways.
With the āBlack Lives Matterā movement, I saw an inability to comprehend that people of color merely demanded the same due process, dignity, and justice given to white people. Those enraged by the protests could not put themselves in those peopleās places or even imagine being in that position themselves. They were above it all, and facts didnāt matter. My impression was that they donāt understand because they generally donāt deal with black people personally, Generally speaking, their knowledge of black people is what they see on the news. Or they base their conclusions on the actions of a few, something they wouldnāt do with people of the same race and ethnicity.
There’s been an obsession with āsamenessā that has baffled me since I was a child.
Interesting analogyāwhen my child was born, I had to get an Rh immune globulin shot because I am Rh-negative and didnāt have the Rh factor marker to mix with Rh-positive blood. If I hadnāt done that, and my son was born Rh positive, my immune system would have made antibodies to reject what it detected as a foreign invasion by attacking his red blood cells. That foreign invasion response. The impulsive instinct to reject what isnāt the same, not close enough, and thereby threatening. Itās part of humanityās defective design. I donāt recognize you, plain and simple. You don’t belong here. Get out. Itās like a bad science fiction movie where you canāt get through to the people affected and canāt save them.
Malcolm X said that, in writing this book, he hoped to help āsave America from a grave, possibly even a fatal catastrophe.”
I donāt think thatās an exaggeration.
I remember, years ago, while dating a biracial man, a black woman said to me, āHeās a black man, honey. You canāt possibly understand a black man the way he needs to be understood.ā I didnāt know if she was right or wrong. Sure, I realized, from an early age, that discrimination and oppression were completely unacceptable. I was always willing to understand. Iām certainly a lot more aware now than I was then. Yet there is still more to learn.
Responding to speculation as to why he was the way he was, Malcolm X said, āTo understand that of any person, his whole life, from birth, must be reviewed. All of our experiences fuse into our personality. Everything that ever happened to us is an ingredient.ā
He talked a lot about how reading forever changed the course of his life. āPeople donāt realize how a manās whole life can be changed by one book,ā he said. (And although women were hardly a second thought in the time that he lived, this applies to them, too.) š
The Autobiography of Malcolm X: As Told to Alex Haley has that ability to change lives. Mr. Haley did an excellent job with it. The pacing was slowāat times, a little too slow, but Iām glad I was patient. It is an important book to read. It proves, as far as Iām concerned, that reading is a must. It has been one of my saving graces in life, and it is what pulled Malcolm X up from the dark, deep, underground tunnels that kept him in the oppressorās grip, a cycle of self-sabotage and self-loathing that his oppressors created for him and so many others like him.
Exploring works like Native Son by Richard Wright and The Autobiography of Malcolm X: As Told to Alex Haley is a great start for people interested in learning why this great divide continues to exist.
However, according to the American Academy of Arts & Sciences, āAs of 2017, Americans spent an average of almost 17 minutes per day reading for personal interest (as compared to almost three hours watching television and 28 minutes playing games and using computers for leisure). Younger Americans (ages 15 to 44) spent, on average, less than 10 minutes per day reading for personal interest.ā
I firmly believe a lack of reading and exploring is one of the many problems we have in this country.
The truth is, you donāt have to like a person to learn from them, but I ended up liking the person who told this story. The tragic end to his extraordinary life saddens me. Malcolm X was open-minded and remained teachable. He came to understand we are not all alike, all of us white people, and itās the same thing everyone needs to realize about every other race and ethnicity.
His conclusion was, it isnāt necessarily āthe American white man who is a racist, but the American political, economic, and social atmosphere that automatically nourishes a racist psychology in the white man.ā And that āit takes all of the religious, political, economic, psychological, and racial ingredients, or characteristics, to make the human family and the human society complete.ā He felt certain if this werenāt the case, weād have a humane, empathetic society where all of us, rich and poor, could be treated with dignity and respect. He liked the idea of not seeing an inherently evil āenemyā but rather a society that āinfluences him to act evilly.ā
Even Christianityāa religion black people clung to for comfort and hopeābecame part of that racist psychology. He noted that āThe Christian church returned to Africa under the banner of the Crossāconquering, killing, exploiting, pillaging, raping, bullying, beatingāand teaching white supremacy. This is how the white man thrust himself into the position of leadership of the worldāthrough the use of naked physical power.ā
I so admire the spiritual courage this man had in his search for the truth.
And the truth is, essentially, what makes sense to you after all your exploration and your quest for authenticity. I say it all the time, no group, no matter who, what, or where is perfect. We always have a mix of good and evil. Or, to be kinder, some have seen the light, and others have yet to see it. Letās hope they keep looking.
*****
āThe most striking thing about the story of Rip Van Winkle is not merely that Rip slept twenty years, but that he slept through a revolution. All too many people find themselves living amid a great period of social change, and yet they fail to develop the new attitudes, the new mental responses, that the new situation demands. They end up sleeping through a revolution.ā -Martin Luther King, Jr..
MORE BOOKS RECOMMENDED TO ME
A Peopleās History of the United States by Howard Zinn along with Malcolm X
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Ann Jacobs
Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois by W.E.B. Du Bois
Uncle Tomās Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Negro History by Carter G. Woodsonās by Carter G. Woodson
We’ve seen it with the COVID situation. Mocking, taunting, and terrorizing people who adhere to the restrictions is a thing now. The perpetrators donāt value your life. To them, itās all a big joke. Iām not sure if itās a matter of selected compassion reserved for people who are like them and agree with them, or an issue of not having empathy at all.
Of course, it stands to reason then, they would rather not hear that black lives matter or that we need racial justice and equality. It makes them angry or uncomfortable, and maybe they will despise me for talking about it. But this problem is so much bigger than them or me or even George Floyd specifically. Itās not something that just happened or something unusual. Itās not a situation where there are two sides.
Believe me, the people who were not outraged by what happened to George Floyd, Ahmaud Aubrey, Breonna Taylor, and countless other black victims of police brutality were indeed outraged about the riots. When they mention George Floyd, they refer to his death as a tragedy and not a cold-blooded murder or lynching, which is what it was.
Some are quick to say, well, he had a violent past. Yes, thatās true. Itās also true that he served his time and was trying to turn his life around. But thatās beside the point. There was nothingāabsolutely nothingā that justified excessive use of force in his arrest, let alone murder.
The truth hurts. But we have to deal with it. We have to talk about it because we must change the system.
Most of us donāt want to see others get robbed or shot or suffer a devastating loss. Speaking for myself alone, Iām a humanist. I canāt stand to see anyone suffer or live in fear. We hurt people enough unintentionally because we are human. Still, when you harm others willfully and maliciously or wish it or condone it or ignore it, I donāt see your humanity at all.
And if you are willing to break the law during a COVID pandemicā defiantly putting others at risk so that you can buy a donut in person or get your stupid ass nails done, you donāt get to complain to me about any of this. You are willing to harm others because of your rage, yet you cannot grasp why some protesters may cross the line and seek to harm because of what anger they feel over something that actually matters.
In other words, itās okay to be an angry white person, but itās not okay to be an angry black person. We can deal with those angry white people armed to the teeth. But we canāt deal with a scared and unarmed black person who doesnāt want to get arrested. Violence isn’t the answer. Neither is breaking the law. It shouldn’t matter who you are.
Similarly, freedom of speech should extend to all. However, when we start speaking up about racial injustice, people want to shut it down.
And, as we know, many of those incensed over the riots were not okay with any form of protest, peaceful or otherwise. They are the same people always clamoring about a civil war and threatening to start one. What the hell do they think happens during a civil war? It would be far worse than anything weāve seen play out during these protests.
They fear tyranny so much that they wonāt protect themselves and others in a pandemic. Still, they donāt mind police using excessive force on protesters, and they donāt see a problem with deploying the military against its citizens. Isnāt that the reason they are always harping about the second amendment? Isnāt that why they fear the government is coming for their guns? Or do they think they will never be brutalized or killed standing up for whatās right because they are white? Think again. Power and greed continue to corrupt our government. Oh, wait, you already know that. Itās why you wonāt give up your guns.
By the way, do the people who keep blaming Antifa for everything even know what Antifa is? I admit I didnāt know myself until recently. What I now understand is, Antifa stands for antifascism and is not an entity. Itās a movement, a stance you take. Anyone can claim to be Antifa. Didnāt Twitter recently close down an account of white nationalists pretending to represent Antifa and calling for violence? Why, yes, they did! There are also links to information about white supremacist groups showing up at protests and wreaking havoc attributed to Antifa and the protestors. The FBI supposedly investigated āAntifaā and came up with nothing. My guess is, most of the protesters are legitimate. Others have another agenda. I donāt know anything for sure. Neither do you. But I will say, it does make sense to me that white supremacists would sabotage a protest for racial justice. They know how to get their base outraged, and itās not by murdering a black man in cold blood.
Police have a difficult job to do. I know that. We need them, and, to enforce the law, they have to be tough. I get it. You’re talking to a huge fan of detective shows here. In the book I’m currently writing, my main character is a detective, and though he’s flawed like every other human, he’s been one of my favorite characters to write.
I always say it takes all kinds. I’ve met very kind police officers, and I’ve met some nasty ones. Believe it or not, I want to understand them, too.
According to the National Center for Women and Policing, “Two studies have found that at least 40 percent of police officer families experience domestic violence, in contrast to 10 percent of families in the general population. A third study of older and more experienced officers found a rate of 24 percent, indicating that domestic violence is two to four times more common among police families than American families in general.”
Women in these situations are often terrified of taking action because their partners have the backing of their fellow officers.
Hazelden Betty Ford.org notes, “In 2010, a study of police officers working in urban areas found that 11% of male officers and 16% of female officers reported alcohol use levels deemed “at-risk” by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).” Also noted is a “high prevalence of psychological and pathological stress disorders such as PTSD when already stressed officers are exposed to traumatic events.”
Police Psychology.com has information on its website about the problems and difficulties that unexpressed anger can create. They cite “pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile.”
My question is, are we doing enough to help police officers, or is the system failing them, too?
We have outreach programs and resources, but, as explained by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, “Law enforcement officers are often reluctant to seek professional support for a variety of reasons. Officers, who have been trained to act independently and maintain constant emotional control, may view the need for support services as a sign of personal weakness. Even if they recognize that they would benefit from it.ā
Police officers must get the help they need.
We all want to believe most cops are good, many of them as brokenhearted as we are when they see what is happening. If that’s true that most are good, then they outnumber the bad guys whose actions harm them as well. I get why they may be afraid to stand up to the others, but enabling them can’t be the answer. It makes them part of a toxic environment that could not exist without their cooperation or their silence.
Conclusion
One thing I’ve learned is, with all the fake videos and misinformation floating around, we need to fact check. A lot of people don’t bother. They pretty much parrot what everyone else is drilling into their brain. If you donāt have a mind of your own, you can easily get lost in all the bullshit. Thatās why we are where we are today.Ā Ā
Lucky for me, I stubbornly decided, many, many years ago, to follow my heart. To determine what I believed based on myĀ experienceĀ ā not what others told me. I’ve wanted no part of the hateful, self-righteous, self-entitled anger that crushed my spirit almost every damn day, growing up. It was like a poison doled out to everyone in the neighborhood, and I wouldnāt drink it.Ā
If you are defending the rights of others who
are denied whatever privilege you enjoy, does that mean you have a savior
complex?
Itās one of many questions I ask myself, given the fact that Iāve been doing this since I was twelve. It was instinctive then, and itās instinctive now because I donāt want to live in a world where bigotry seems to be the norm. Whether people were happy or unhappy about this stance Iād taken has never made a difference to me.
I have also questioned my own motives at
every turn.
Itās not about being politically correct. As far as Iām concerned, it is simply right, and Iām so confident of that that Iāll stick to it no matter who or what I stand to lose in the process.
Is it about tolerance? Nope. I would not even list that trait among my qualities, since there is much I canāt and wonāt tolerate, including things that may seem unreasonable to the culprits, and yep, one of those things is the cruelty generated by prejudice. So, in choosing friends and partners, there are plenty of deal breakers, sure, but their origins will have nothing to do with it.
Who am I to merely tolerate people anyway because they werenāt born with my skin color, ethnicity, sexuality or socioeconomic status, or happened to be taught some other religious philosophy? There is simply no part of me that believes whatever I was born as makes me superior to another. Nor is there any part of me that wants to deny people justice or the rights and equality they deserve.
Thatās my two centsā worth, and Iām not claiming to be the bigger or better person than anyone who opposes because Iām simply hardwired this way. Besides that, I have plenty of faults. Barbarity just isnāt one of them.
Iāve accepted, too, that impartiality doesnāt help you win popularity contests. Gaining acceptance and fitting in are often about forming alliances based on race, gender, religion, orientation, ethnicity, political beliefs, and so on. There are those who consider me naĆÆve for stubbornly hanging on to this neutrality like a Pitbull with a pork chop. Others may chalk it up to me having this willful, rebellious, antagonistic nature. Either way, some individuals feel I am wrong and are perplexed by my fierce defense of the āother side.ā
I can honestly live without such flimsy alliances. Most of those alliance-forming factors are not a basis for forming an opinion. And when people come back at me with, āStereotypes exist for a reason,ā I say, āThat is still what they are, stereotypes. You donāt know someone until you do.ā
Anyway, here’s my story.
nucleo antico di campochiaro (campobasso). molise -italy- Photo by Francesco de Vincenzi
My father was born in Campochiaro, Italy. He came to the U.S. with his family when he was fifteen years old. They lived in Woodside, Queens, which was a predominantly Irish neighborhood. Italians were not welcome. They were called everything from dagos to greasy meatballs. Italians had initially been greeted in some places by “No Italians Allowed” signs and had to change their surnames before anybody would hire them. My dad always worked, rarely taking sick and vacation days. He married a woman of Spanish descent, born in Havana, Cuba. She also came to the U.S. as a teenager, and they met in a class where they were both learning to speak English. Like him, she made sure she remained employed and dependable. While they were still newlyweds, he fought for our country, on the front line, making the rank of Sergeant, and he received a Purple Heart.
By the time I came along, there were plenty of Italian families in Woodside. Italians had made the acceptance cut. Spanish people were the new threat, committing the crime of paving the way for other Hispanics. Because of my mother, my siblings and I were told to āgo back to Cuba,ā a place Iād only visited once when I was three. They called us spics. And the main culprits of this bullying were, surprisingly, Italian.
In Havana – my mom holding my hand and my Abuela behind my oldest sister
My mother lied about being Spanish to strangers, saying she was Italian. She thought sheād be perceived as another one of those wetbacks coming over to the U.S. for a handout when she, in fact, came here legally. She also refused to speak Spanish at work to avoid being judged.
Some people will tell you itās all about paying your dues, earning your place. Irish people experienced oppression and persecution before the Italians did, and once everyone got over the Spanish neighbors, they were directing their venom at the Indians, Pakistanis, and so on.
Regarding black people, Iāve often heard the argument, āWell, we did what we had to do to earn respect.ā My answer to that was, āBut you werenāt brought here in chains and forced into slavery. Youāre not being discriminated against anymore. They are.ā
Understandably, people of cultures that have been oppressed feel a kinship with their own, especially when the oppression continues. Who could blame them for supporting and defending one another?
If you go through life as a member of any oppressed group, which includes women, you see the global and systematic imbalance, the unfairness, and the cruelty. One example is women believing other women when they share experiences about rape and abuse. Some men hate these women for making their gender sound like monsters and feel theyāre being blamed because they are also a man. The thing is, we should all want the truth and due process, but some must adamantly defend their āgroup.ā
What I’ll never understand is people being okay with anyone facing the type of scorn, ridicule, and discrimination that tore their own hearts out. I don’t understand anyone being okay with it period.
My extended family on both sides had their own prejudices, to say the least. Meanwhile, my curiosity in wanting to get to know all these non-white people was insatiable. I kept seeing that I had beautiful experiences and encounters with them. When I was twelve, my favorite bands were The Temptationsāfive black soul music vocalists and dancersā and Santana, featuring a hot Mexican-American guitarist. (Santanaās music is defined as Latin-infused rock with salsa, blues, and African rhythms.) On The Temptations’ Puzzle People album, there was a song called āMessage from a Black Man,ā and God knows what my parents were thinking when I amped it up and sang along with the lyrics. But I really wanted to hear that message. I felt compelled to.
Say it loud ! Be proud of who you are without hating!
During my high school days and later on in other community-like settingsāeven recovery circlesāit was apparent to me that some people showed a preference for making friends with people who shared their background. I certainly got the impression that they felt superior to anyone who was not āone of them.ā And to this day, when I go to the doctor, and Iām sitting in the waiting room, white people look delighted when I sit beside them. Maybe if they knew all the details of my ancestry, theyād scoot away. Who knows? š¤·
Itās all part of the worldās obsession with
samenessāfeeling safe, secure, and comfortable primarily with people they
believe are exactly like them. The common assumption seems to be that whatever
a person was born as, whatever belief system he or she inherited, that is the
right one and the best, and the only one that matters.
Itās right up there with other concepts I
donāt understandālike the enjoyment of shaming people or delighting in
someoneās suffering because revenge is supposed to be sweet.
And the idea that weāre supposed to feel more
outraged or upset when something happens to someone who was born in the same
country we were born in or who shares our ethnicity, race, etc. As if bad
things happening to people in Syria or some other place has nothing to do with
us.
Suffering is unbearable, no matter who
suffers. I hate to see it.
Hey, Iām all for the celebration of culture, but people who share my origins donāt have an immediate edge with me. Heritage is fascinating, including my own. I enjoy listening to people talk about it. Accents are intriguing. I love seeing all these fantastic places and trying out different cuisines. But I identify with being a global citizen and human being more than being an American or anything else. Thatās crazy and even awful to some people, I know, but I canāt help that, and I’m not sorry about it. I’m glad.
People go to war over bias and entitlement.
They discriminate and violently target others based on the very same.
I will admit that as a white female, or a female perceived to be white anyway, Iāve had experiences where black teen girls started fights with me for no apparent reason. But so have white women! Iāve also met some nasty-ass gay people, but Iāve met even nastier straight people. And while I was raised as an Italian/Spanish Catholic white girl, the worst incidents of sexual trauma, harassment and assault throughout my life were at the hands of white, Italian Catholic males. Itās never meant that every white, Catholic Italian guy was going to be like that. As far as Iām concernedāno matter what group youāre talking aboutāit takes all kinds. There are good and bad people on the right and the left, good and bad men and women. What I see with a lot of people though is, when someone not like them hurts, appalls, or devastates them, it is a reflection on that group culture. They wonāt stop to think of the people of their own kind who have done the same thing or worse.
People caught up in the opposing mindset donāt like to hear that there are good and bad eggs in every bunch. They have this blind loyalty to their kind. When it comes to others, they often know only the stereotypes or what theyāve read in the news or saw on TV. Without having any real relationships with the people from whatever culture they shun, their impression is based on limited experience.
Not having shunned people who werenāt like me gave me an advantage in life. I always had that frame of reference. Even the people I agree with politically are not necessarily people I like. People I donāt agree with arenāt always people I canāt love.
To be honest, though, whenever there is a reunion, high school or whatever, I know by now not to go because nothing changes with most people. For me, there is no joy in seeing people hold on to this ignorance, these old ideas, and this hate for certain cultures. The end result is, people you love with all your heart say the most appalling things without batting an eye and think thereās not a thing in the world wrong with it. Itās their normal, and it’s heartbreaking.
Bigots, for one thing, are people with inferiority complexes who flipped the coin and developed superiority complexes instead. Itās an unconscious or subconscious survival strategy. At every turn, they have to prove their superiority and so refuse to be perceived in a less than flattering light. If you represent them or are a part of their group, you have to measure up to their standards which means looking, acting, and thinking like them because they need to believe that everything about them is rightābetter than anyone else, even perfect. If you are their child, sibling, niece, nephew, whatever, your job is to fulfill expectations or be mocked, rejected, and shamed. They resent you for causing them shame.
So they’ll make fun of the kid with the lazy eye. They’ll tell someone he or she is retarded because they donāt understand the kid’s behavior. They’ll shun someone for not being pretty or call somebody fat because they think itās the worst thing anyone can be. Since they are so into their own standards of beauty and perfection, they quickly find what they perceive as imperfection in others. Yet, they donāt notice their own shortcomings.
I once heard a child ask this about one of my
adult relatives. āWhy is (so and so) always making fun of people?ā
Good question.
Some will defend the behavior, saying weāve become weak as a society. Those individuals believe being mocked toughens you up. It doesnāt. It makes kindhearted people forever sensitive, insecure, and self-loathing. The ones who did get ātoughened up,ā so to speak, are merely bullies of the present day, bullying their own kids and the other adults in their lives.
Their values were handed off to them by their parents, and thereās an ingrained belief that their parents could never be wrong. Theyāll say, āWell, they raised me, and I didnāt turn out so bad.ā (In many cases, they didnāt turn out so good either.) But the evil they know is less frightening than uncertainty. Itās the perfect justification for passing this crap onto their own kids. Itās worse, too, when the parents are deceased because then they feel they canāt say anything unflattering about the dead. (Maybe the fear is the ghosts might hear you, but donāt quote me on that.) Whatever the deal is, you have to pretend these people were not only goodāthey were perfect. And the stuff they did wrong, which had been previously acknowledged, will now be denied.
In these families, you either get on board, or you take your broken heart someplace else.
Iāve talked about all of this with my own child, who attributed the lockstep mentality to a fear of not belonging, not fitting ināmost importantly, not having that total acceptance from their loved ones. I canāt answer for why my own convictions became more critical than that acceptance, but they did. I can say I chose my soul over their acceptance, rejecting their mentality no matter the cost.
My son, Jesse, and me
Jesse and me
Getting back to those people who say they
turned out just fine, well I did, tooāafter clawing my way back, inch by inch,
step by step. After fighting to learn and grow and heal for many, many years.
That doesnāt mean that my parents or someone elseās parents wholly screwed up. No one is perfect, but if each generation learns from the one before, we can not only do better, we should.
Hereās the thing. We can all be wrong. At a
certain point in my life. I had to question whether everything I knew was
wrongāeverything I was taught. Because
ultimately, only the truth serves me. Denial has cost me, and many others, Iām
sure, way too much already. Itās self-destructive to allow it to continue.
We can never take things at face value or
count on what other people teach. Children must be allowed to think for
themselves and form their own opinions. They need to know they will be
unconditionally loved and accepted without buying into your total mindset,
without having to live the life you have envisioned for them.
So, to wrap this up, I believe that every culture should be celebrated. Certain people get tired of hearing it, I know, but we are one, big, beautiful, and colorful family, and, no matter whose heritage we are celebrating, Iām in.
“We all have a divine mission on earth. Let that mission be to inspire love and embrace the light within. Let that mission be to have peace in our hearts as we create heaven on earth. Let that mission be to seek empowerment through transformation and to breathe joy into everything we do. If we allow these things to be our mission the golden light of the sun will shine on our souls and change our world forever.”~ Michael Teal
Brave Wings is a new online magazine that focuses on the human conditionāwhatever we experience in life that helps us learn, grow, and evolve. Sharing perspectives about healing and empowerment can be exciting and helpful, but we also want to provide entertainment and fun while sharing the beauty of creativity.
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When you try to look at something from all angles, you make no friends, but Iām compelled to do it anyway. That said, I hesitated to write this because as others have wisely pointed out, horrible things are happening all around us every minute of every day, and here we are battling over a comedienne and the ārightā to see a TV show.
Many seem to think this controversy is about one person insulting another. Theyāve brought up Joy Behar, Jimmy Kimmel and other liberals who have “gotten away with it.”Ā I donāt watch The View or Jimmy Kimmel, but I do agree that anyone who has made bigoted statements or who does so in the future, should be called out the same way and, if necessary, face appropriate consequences.
I didnāt defend Michelle Wolf for roasting Sarah Huckabee Sanders or Kathy Griffin and her decapitated Trump photo. I did notice, however, that the same people who were appalled by those two incidents are okay with Roseanneās crap and Ted Nugentās crap. So, itās kind of like pot/kettle. There’s a lot of, “but he said, but she said, and hey, he started it.” It all seems rather childish, except the anger we feel toward each other knows no depths, and the venom feels poisonous.
As far as comediennes go, I have always liked the ones who target institutions, government, and politicians. All of that to me is fair game. Iāll admit, too, there are people I donāt mind them poking fun of, but those people are usually guilty of offending us and putting themselves out there in such a way that you kind of feel they deserve what they get. They are comedy gold, and I understand that.
But this issue is not about insulting someone. Itās about destructive and divisive hate speech, i.e., racism. Thereās a big difference.
Some people claim that what Roseanne said is not racism. Letās see, there was the āRoseanne didnāt know Valerie Jarret was black because sheās light-skinnedā argument. Except she knows damn well who Valerie Jarret is, enough to still be talking about the woman when Obama is not even in office anymore. Roseanne follows politics obsessively and knows all the players. She has made a run for President. At the very least, she didnāt know Ms. Jarret wasnāt black, but the āapeā reference was notĀ a coincidence. And it wasnāt the first time Roseanne tweeted something racist.
Then there was, āWhy are they offended if they believe humans evolved from apes?ā āTheyā includes all liberals, I presume, because, of course, they must all believe the same thing when it comes to creation, right? Wrong.
People who make this argument donāt seem to understand what it means to evolve. Per Merriam-Webster, it means to undergo an evolutionary change. It is āa process of continuous change from a lower, simpler, or worse to a higher, more complex, or better state.ā So, you donāt evolve from something and still appear to be that something.
But the people who make that reference know this. They know full well that the ape reference is used to dehumanize and to subjugate. They did it to Michelle Obama. In fact, they were downright merciless in describing Mrs. Obama.
Those who make this reference believe they can pass it off as an innocent joke, or harmless insult, and that the rest of the world will be stupid enough to believe it. Ā Sorry, but no.
Alas, there is the freedom of speech cry! That is a good one when all else fails. People donāt seem to understand the First Amendment either. They think it means there should be zero consequences regardless of what we say, that no one should react unfavorably or reject it or use his or her power to handle the situation. These same people feel differently, however, when someone is saying something that they donāt like. Yes, double standards, indeed, but weāll get to that.
Letās get to that right now, in fact, because double standards exist everywhere between genders,Ā parties, religions, races, and more.
And, of course, I canāt speak for everyone, but when some celebrity gets caught with his or her pants down, as many have, I donāt care about their politics. It is not about left or right, and it shouldnāt be. Itās about right or wrong.
Yes, sometimes Democrats get away with things. Sometimes Republicans do. Just look at the āCā word argument. Both Roseanne and Ted Nugent have used the word against Hillary Clinton. That was way before Roseanne got a TV show and before Ted Nugent got invited to the White House.
The president gets away with saying despicable things all the time.
Similarly, people call out the predators and pedophiles in Hollywood, as they should, but then turn a blind eye to predators and pedophiles in the Catholic Church. They think because there are predators and pedophiles in Hollywood, all Hollywood celebrities are predators and pedophiles. No, waitāall liberals, according to some. Imagine if anyone said that because of pedophilia in the Catholic Church, all Catholics, or all Republicans must be pedophiles? Yes, it is absurd.
FFS, must everything be a competition?
Now, I am not here to defend ABC. Roseanne was the same person when they hired her. They knew who she was. Apparently, she also knows who she is, as she had serious reservations about doing the reboot in the first place.
It would have been one thing if sheād come on playing the character she played in the 90s, and the show didnāt have plans to explore and possibly heal the divisiveness with a real-life Trump supporter as the star pretty much playing herself, and liberal producers and writers. On the one hand, they were trying too hard to appease both sides. On the other hand, they were encouraging the series star in her belligerence and paving the way for her downfall.
Yeah, it was a bad idea.
And many wonāt like this, but I do feel empathy for Roseanne. I can’t help that.Ā I do believe that this fallout has been hell for her and that she is not doing well. Besides that, something is clearly wrong with her.
Conservatives who watched her screech the national Anthem hated her then, and they hated her for many years after that, as she wasnāt their physical ideal or very ladylike, and they probably figured, on top of all that, she was a liberal. They pretend to support her now, but if they genuinely cared about her, they would not encourage her bad behavior.
The smartest tweet Iād read about this whole thing came from White House correspondent April Ryan when she tweeted Roseanne, saying, āJust stop.ā Ms. Ryan told Roseanne to go on a retreat or something, stay off Twitter, off the phone, and stop listening to the enablers who are defending her mess. Itās easy to see that people are exploiting her in a way that will only make things worse.
She needs to fix this not dig a deeper grave.
And, okay, I couldnāt help laughing at the Twitter backlash she got from the Ambien excuse. She walked right into that, but I still feel bad.
Her āsupportersā say she should not even have apologized. I say she should have stopped with the apology, no drama like, āIām leaving Twitter,ā only to come back and begin defending herself, justifying what she did with excuses.
Itās not a good feeling, watching someone self-destruct. It gives me no pleasure to see another human being crushed, humiliated, and used this way. There is that part of many of us, where we canāt look away from a train wreck, but it is no less awful.
And personally, I couldn’t keep quiet about any of it. Iāve hated racism and all forms of bigotry from the moment I was old enough to see it for what it was.Ā I was a child then, but Iād seen no evidence that any one group of people were superior to another and I’ve firmly believed that we are all entitled to dignity, justice, and respect.
Still, I donāt claim to be righteous and tolerant. I canāt because I am genuinely happy to coexist with people. I donāt claim to be tolerant because I am not a nice person who is just being politically correct. What I do or say along those lines is not for the sake of pleasing anyone.Ā When I speak out against racism, I am not defending the people targeted because they are more than capable of defending themselves. Iāve seen it. I am defending myself and what I believe. Iām fighting for the world I want to live in. Lastly, I donāt claim to be tolerant because there are things I canāt and wonāt tolerate. And, yes, racism happens to be one of them. It is crucial that we call it out when we see it, and itās about time.
kyrianlyndon.com 