
Feature photo by Felipe Galvan on Unsplash
Letâs put this massive collection of egos in a fishbowl and see what happens.
That’s the gist of it.
We never before had so much access to one anotherâs thoughts and opinions, which can be unsettling if not altogether frightening. If we ever entertained the notion that telepathy would be a great superpower, we now realize it would be a fate worse than death.
Is Mark Zuckerberg putting profits before people, creating a deep divide among users, and manipulating our emotions? The fear, rage, stress, drama, frustration, etc., we put out there are undoubtedly good for engagement and subsequent profits. But, at least part of the blame for the insanity has to go to some of the users, right? âPeopleâ tend to mess up everything.
Relationships that had seemed unconditional are not really. Many want you to validate their core beliefs, never challenging or opposing them.
It’s similar to working in a corporate office where someone or another spreads misinformation about a situation, and it goes âofficeâ viral. The initial gossip spreader and everyone who passes it on has no idea what theyâre talking about, nor do they care. I hated working in corporate offices for that reason, yet thatâs what we have here on Facebook. Often, too, when Facebook flags someoneâs posts for providing false information, the poster doesnât remove it. People insist on believing what isnât true because itâs what they prefer to believe. The truth doesnât matter.
Part of the problem is how addictive Facebook is. I am a person who can get addicted to water, cough drops, you name it. (I know what to stay away from.) Here, we get addicted to the dopamine effectâthat little blast of euphoria from getting likes on our posts. Addiction, however, does often distort things, and it often impairs our judgment.
People donât realize thereâs no absolute privacy when you voluntarily publish stuff on the internet. Theyâre not aware of what rights they surrender when they create a Facebook page. They think they can get around the privacy issue by posting disclaimers. Disclaimers do not override Terms of Service, but, having created networks in the past, I realize most people do not read the Terms of Service. Some donât even know there are terms.
Then, of course, there are the trolls. People stress themselves out arguing with trolls and then complain that said trolls are threatening their family or that they have three brain tumors and this and that, yet these trolls wonât leave them alone.
Donât talk to trolls, FFS! Please donât sit there answering them all day! They will never feel sorry for you. You may as well tell them your house is burning down as you tweet, or youâre tweeting them from the ICU. That would be hilarious to them. The more misery they cause, the happier theyâll be. These are not people you can reason with or convince. If they canât get a rise out of you, itâs not fun for them, so, yes, donât feed them. That is all.
Troll lecture aside, we fight mostly over politics here, taking our anger and frustration out on people with opposing views. Personally, I always hope, more than anything, that some post or another will help someone see the light. Donât we all? Of course, that doesnât usually work. In the meantime, weâre questioning and attacking one anotherâs integrity. Sure, you only wear the shoe if it fits, but many are determined to squoosh those shoes onto your feet any which way they can.Whatâs worse is, weâre not changing peopleâs ideas. Instead, we have them digging in their heels and becoming more vindictive.
What I know is, I donât want to participate in this kind of thing any longer. I want my contribution to the world to be love, strength, compassion, empathy, and whatever wisdom I can muster.
Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal recently said, âThe damage to self-interest and self-worth inflicted by Facebook today will haunt a generation.â
Over the years, Iâve dealt with people who were in the throes of agony because they canât help comparing themselves and their lives to what they see posted on Facebook or Instagram.
Thereâs a syndrome out thereâpeople having a sense that there isnât enough to go around, and it extends to everything. You get attention; you take from my supply. You succeed; that means I canât. Now, youâre getting more dopamine effect than me, damn it!
The adverse reactions may often be about envy, sometimes jealousy, but other factors come into play. People-pleasing is one. Preoccupation with it is born out of trauma and persists with societal pressure.
For example, I had the affliction of body dysmorphic disorder for most of my life. Despite the incredible progress Iâve made, there are lingering components.
Iâve often hesitated to post photos because almost every picture I see of myself is hideous to me. Many people feel the same, Iâm sure. We may put up an image of us weâre happy with, and then the next day, we see it again and think, ugh, thatâs awful. Why did I even post that?
Itâs funny because my son once told me, donât do that fake smile people do when theyâre posing for pictures. Usually, when they do that, they look like serial killers. (We were laughing about this and not entirely serious because even he understands my sensitivity about photos.) So, I had to add, try not to look like a serial killer to my picture-taking goals. đ€Ł
Every now and then when I found a photo that I thought was good, I got pushback or shamingâsomeone or another saying it was fake, narcissistic, etc. Over the years, Iâd heard it all. So, Iâve gotten confused over the whole picture deal.
And my insecurity seems to be a contest I have with myself because:
For me, itâs the people-pleasing thing. I donât want to disappoint people. Itâs an old obsession that seems to be taking longer to go away than any of my other obsessions. I say that because itâs a good reminder that most everyone has their issues and insecurities and their reasons for feeling uncomfortable.
I once thought I didnât like people in general, but I realize now that I love people; I just donât know how to deal with them. Thatâs my issue. Sometimes, along the roads we take in life, that message gets reinforced and stuck in our heads because of what people we care about say to us with or without realizing, or what we see happen when we reach out.
Being against anyone isnât my thing. Wanting the best for everyone is very much my thing. At the same time, itâs essential to know the difference between being genuinely kind and caring and pleasing people to ward off someoneâs hostility, ridicule, or indifference. When I wake up every day, my goal is to be a better person, and I think if we focus on that, the other stuff wonât matter so much.
But if Facebook is making you feel like youâre not enough, remember that your time is precious. So is your energy and your peace. Donât let anyone have you questioning your worth! Thereâs a reason we donât fit in with certain people, and it usually means there are other people out there who are better suited for us. I know itâs hard, but lots of people love and appreciate you. Donât forget that.
âWhen the whole world is entrenched in the bunker of physical and often emotional isolation, only flexibility and ingenuity can revive us to remain grounded and imbibe the bolstering sunlight piercing through the canvas of chaos.â Erik Pevernagie
Whether itâs socially, mentally, or physically, being out of your comfort zone can be unbearableâmore so for some than others.
During the pandemic, weâve had hard decisions to make, all of us, knowing whatever decision we made for ourselves would impact the loved ones in our bubble whoâve been riding it out with us. Theyâre not only counting on surviving it themselves; theyâre counting on you to survive. A year is fleeting compared to a future without the people you love.
I always remember what my younger sister would say when things were not so great. âItâs temporary.â And what I used to tell myself, âLife is an adventure, part of which is figuring out what to do with every challenge thrown at you and then rising through the challenge.â
The restrictions, added to other stressful political and personal situations, have been tiring. They certainly brought out the ugly in some and the beauty in others. There are people in my life whoâve been sick with Covid or lost loved ones to the virus, and, at least for the time being, the spark I used to see in them is gone.
Finding ways to cope with even simpler things like wearing a mask and the constant handwashing and disinfecting is frustrating, yes, but we are warriors and survivors, and I love that about us. It comes down to preserving yourself for when you can get back the life you want. Itâs definitely a time we need therapeutic measuresâincluding ways to escape.
Sure, it was easier for most of us writers. I worked on several books, wrote poem after poem, read one book after another. Those were all things I could never wait to do, so, believe it or not, it was exciting.
Taking walks has always been an excellent balance for working in isolation, but thereâs a lot of construction going on around here, where I live. Long Island is the suburbs, but my neighborhood, right now, looks like a rundown part of the city.
My son, who never cooked much in the past, decided to watch all these cooking videos and learn to make all these incredible meals from scratch. He became a great chef and managed to lose weight in the process because he worked out daily while doing his job remotely. All of it was a great confidence builder and kept him motivated!
Working out whenever, wherever, makes you feel good (well, afterward, at least đ).
As for me, along with whatever else I was doing, Iâd think crocheting might be enjoyable or maybe guitar lessons, but then Iâd have to buy a guitar. So, another pastime I had was deciding what place I wanted to move to and then, from time to time, check out what houses were for sale there. For a while, it was Norway, then Germany, then Amsterdam. Right now, itâs York, in England. Yes, I want to move to York. I do very much, want to move.
And who knew Iâd rediscover Super Mario Brothers and become so good at the Dr. Mario game? (Listen to me, bragging!) Well, it helps your coordination and response time. That is good for me. đ
Music was another Godsend.
Weâre so lucky, too, to have the internet for connecting with everyoneâbeing able to talk to people all over the world about how theyâre coping with the very same thing. I canât imagine how people managed crisis after crisis in the dark ages. But they did!
And what I love most is the fact that laughter gets you through everything. You canât ever lose your sense of humor. I was joking with a cab driver the other day about neighbors who never knock on your door, and suddenly, during the height of a pandemic, they come a-knocking. And itâs to tell you something like thereâs a piece of paper outside your door, an advertisement. Uh, thank you?
No! Donât bring me things when we are in lockdown! Do not knock on my door!
He and I laughed so much about that, joking back and forth because you have to. Sometimes people mean well, I know. And sometimes they donât.
Another day, I got a letter in the mail saying that my neighbor (mentioned by name) is a disgusting boyfriend-stealing whore who will sleep with anyone, and her family deserves better than that. High school shit or something youâd expect to see on Desperate Housewives or maybe Jerry Springer. Its author used cut-out letters like a ransom note and pasted a biohazard symbol at the bottom. Itâs not what healthy people do. Itâs more so the work of a narcissist dragging everyone into their bullshit. They are experts at character assassination.
How dare they, right? Whatever happened between these people is their business, and I donât care. Imagine someone cutting out all these letters to make a note like that? And God knows how many of these the person sent out! I found it appalling. Not my circus, not my monkeys, as they say. Come to think of it, I donât have any of that chaos in my life these days, and I like it like that.
Aside from the heartbreak I feel as so many are still struggling to cope, I also have this stubborn enthusiasm that we may finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. And that has me talking up a storm lately with an energy I havenât put forth in a while.
Hold on to your peace however you can, and you will be okay.
âI can be by myself because I’m never lonely; I’m simply alone, living in my heavily populated solitude, a harum-scarum of infinity and eternity, and Infinity and Eternity seem to take a liking to the likes of me.ââ Bohumil Hrabal, Too Loud a Solitude
This collection consists primarily of poems written during the COVID-19 pandemic, a time of loneliness and rumination.
Lyndonâs poetry stems from intense emotions that swing from one end of the pendulum to the other as she captures the agony of love and loss, along with innocent joy and lighthearted fun.
Each poem is an earnest response to life, love, and everything in between.
Here is one poem in the collection.
SAME OLD NEIGHBORHOOD
The neighborhood hasnât changed,
But the draperies on the windows have been swept aside.
We see you.
Telling someone to go back to where they came from,
To the place where they had no voice
And no choice.
That place where they were beaten,
Neglected and shamed,
Where they never felt safe,
Never had a chance.
Oh, theyâd love to go home,
But, home isnât home anymore.
The neighborhood hasnât changed,
But, the fanfaronade has consequences.
We hear you.
Itâs not just words.
Itâs not simply freedom.
Itâs a weapon to harm and destroy.
To punish those who arenât the same.
People just like you commit horrific crimes,
But you donât identify them
Only with crimes because they mirror you.
People just like you hurt you and fight you and hate you
But, you donât see them all as threatening because they are you.
The neighborhood hasnât changed,
But, many more of us want to live here only in peace.
You can make that happen.
So many beautiful people Iâve known in my life
Were those people you rejected,
And they were full of warmth and kindness and wisdom.
You donât see them because theyâre not the same.
The neighborhood hasnât changed,
And neither has any divine love for all who live here.
Like you, we are sacred.
All is sacred every moment of every day.
WHAT READERS SAY
âShe has the ability to convey to the reader some of the most complex thoughts into words that truly reach our hearts.ââ Love Books
âHer lyrical voice speaks with careful observation and passion. In the narrative mode, she is masterful in reading life around her. Kyrian possesses the sensitivity, insight, and soul of the true poet. Her writing provides a primer on how to compose meaningful poetry.ââLou Jones
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Please let me know if you are interested in obtaining an advanced review copy or if youâd like me to notify you about any upcoming giveaways. There will be a few chances to win a copy in the forthcoming months!
Happy Reading!
The following article by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes resonated with me. I found it very uplifting and beautiful. With all the unsettling events as of late, I wanted to share it. (For me, it doesnât mean we wonât call attention to the problems we face or fight the good fight but that we donât have to feel hopeless or powerless. Of course, too, we may have different perceptions of a higher power or the highest power, but the message is the same.â€ïž)
We Were Made for These Times by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
“My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.
You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.
I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able vessels in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind.
Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a greater forest. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.
In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency, too, to fall into being weakened by dwelling on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails.
We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didnât you say you were a believer? Didnât you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didnât you ask for grace? Donât you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater?
Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.
What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.
One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these â to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.
Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.
There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate.
The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall.
When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.”~Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Note – The photo above the poem is the back cover of my poetry book, Remnants of Severed Chains, designed by KH Koehler of KH Koehler Designs.
The sun rises with Foreboding crow caws, While the day brings Sirens of uncertainty. Allergies persist. Well, for the lilac pansies, The snapdragons, And the daffodils⊠Oh, and the tulips in all colors, Beautiful and bold.
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We see the sun From behind the glass. We hear the rain. Upstairs, there is music. Heâs singingâ Playing guitar. Â Below we talk like survivors Of dystopian madness Taking shelter in a cave. âAre you okay?â âYes.â âAre you sure?â âYes. Are you?â âYes.â
 The days are longer. Open windows let in the breeze. Outside, the trees are tall and proud. With all their flowers, Cherries, And leaves. Yet weâ We are powerless, Our illusion of safety Violated once more.  Oh, but the birds chirp in a frenzy! Come play. The earth is alive! We need to laugh and To cry. Everything is tragic  And beautiful. Â
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But some have no one to talk to, Little, if anything, to eat, No way to get well, And nowhere to hide. Others rise to an occasion They never could have fathomed, Working toward their lifelong dream With infinite empathy. Does it wreak desolation? We donât even know the extent Of how harsh life can be. People die for greed. Â Dreaded knock on the door now. No one should come hereâ Maybe not for a while. Uneasy eyes Behind masked faces. Down the stairwells then, One flight at a time, I go beyond the door, Where the world is. Experience it once more, For a short time. The sun is bright Across a vivid blue sky. Thereâs the scent of fresh-cut grass And the sweet caress of the wind. Itâs like a summer day With pillowy clouds And butterflies. The worldâs magnificent beauty.
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 Then itâs back to the safe place. Do you have one of those? A safe place to be? I hope you do.  Because the stars are still there at night, Like the glorious moon. I watch them as I hope Things get better. Like they always did before, At least, for a little while.
“How Are You Feeling These Days” poem by Kyrian Lyndon
Photo credits (from top to bottom):
Crow – Alexas Pansies – Shirley Snapdragons – Metsikgarden Tulips – Annca Cave – Stocksnap Cherry blossom trees – Dewdrop157 Dogwood Trees – Brinnington Bird in Tree – bardia Hashemirad on Unsplash Landscape – Larisa-k Clouds – Johnsongoh Fantasy Stargazing – Larissa-k
From the time I was a child, Iâd heard that people born under the sign of Scorpio couldnât forgive others. They held grudges forever, and these diabolical creatures, when wronged, were never satisfied with sticking the knife to their enemy (figuratively speaking, of course). They had to twist it from side to side.
Yikes! I happen to be a Scorpio (as if it matters), and this isn’t a blog about astrology. Itâs about what Iâve learned about forgiveness, Pluto be damned. (Yes, Scorpio is ruled by a rock that is no longer considered a planet, so that tells you how much stock you should put into these things.)
Further, believing such a thing about yourself and committing to it is demoralizing, self-sabotaging, and self-destructiveâ not just for people born in the latter part of October and earlier part of November but for anyone.
The good news is, I was never doomed to be an unforgiving Scorpio or anything else I didnât want to be, and neither are you! Nobody can tell you who you are, and you alone define your limitations. Our wills are more powerful than our experiences if we want them to be, and it’s a safe bet theyâre more powerful than any effect the sun may have had on us at the time of our birth. The whole idea that we canât help being who or what we are and have no control over it is utter nonsense. We can do whatever the hell we want, and we alone are responsible for what it is we decide to do.
Besides that, if we want to recover from our afflictions and tragedies, we need to heal and learn and grow and continue to evolve until our dying day. For this reason, we must come to understand forgiveness and the vital part it plays in our lives.
Those of us who’ve been in twelve-step programs for one affliction or another have likely come upon literature that explains the whole forgiveness thing better than I can. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states that, âResentment destroys more alcoholics than anything else because deep resentment leads to futility and unhappiness and shuts us off from the Sunlight of the Spirit.” Addiction Treatment magazine notes that âHarboring anger can encourage you to be in a constant state of anxiety, which then can cause numerous physical health problems. Too much stress and anxiety can lead to cardiovascular issues, a weakened immune system, high blood pressure, and other potential ailments.â
Now, if you ask me … (You are asking me, right?) Forgiveness involves coming to terms with the truth.
For trauma survivors, like me, thatâs not as simple as it sounds. All our lives, survival instincts had kicked in when necessary, leading us to strategize, justify, deny, etc.âwhatever we had to do to cope. We may have even learned to deceive others with or without realizing, because we were deluding ourselves. Thatâs quite the dilemma when coming to terms with the truth is the only way to determine our level of responsibility for what happens in life.
Bear with me now because the first time someone told me I needed to own my part in everything that happened to me, I was royally pissed. If that included some horrific thing I surely didnât deserve, it seemed downright cruel.
Well, when it comes to trauma survival, the idea of âowning our partâ is indeed cringeworthy, but itâs about addressing the issue of what we might do differently going forward. Itâs the same question we’d ask in any other life-altering experience that leaves us shaken. The wording is appropriate when applied to the more typical betrayals or argumentsâpeople hurting and rejecting one another in the way imperfect humans do. Either way, if we are the victim of someone elseâs bad behavior, self-evaluation doesnât mean the culprit is absolved of wrongdoing or that he or she is any less vile. Itâs not to say that you or anyone else is okay with what happened, or that you are required to understand the reprehensible motivation behind what this person did.
The things that happen to us in life, good or bad, are learning opportunities that can increase our awareness about the world we live in, about others, and ourselves. No one says itâs fair or easy. Children can learn it from loving adults, what to do, what not to do, going forward, understanding that what happened wasnât their fault. The acquired knowledge does not guarantee anything, I know, but it certainly helps. Thatâs what weâre owning.
You may have heard it a million times, and itâs still true: forgiveness is, first and foremost, for the one who suffers. It takes place so that whatever or whoever has hurt you no longer owns you or has control over your life. Itâs a letting go that allows you to live and breathe and move on, survive and thrive by not allowing the perpetrator to cause you more suffering than youâve already endured.
Excluding any justice sought in a criminal act, it didnât take me long to see (even as an evil, menacing Scorpio) that retribution happens to abusive people without any help from me. They are their own worst enemies, and, sooner or later, the piper catches up to collect what he is owed. Some people balk at me when I say this, but Iâve learned to send love whenever these damaged souls come to mind. They surely need it. When I was at my absolute worst, I needed it, too. I still do. In fact, we all do.
However, despite all I’ve said here, nobody can tell you how to handle your feelings. We can talk about what works for us, with the hope that it might help someone else find the peace and joy that we’ve found, but thatâs as far as it goes.
There were many times I’d witnessed a person expressing anger and grief over a traumatic experience, and others got upset about it. The others, in response, would say things like, âWell, I have a friend who went through that, and she had counseling, bla bla bla. Sheâs fine now, and maybe if so and so did that, he or she wouldnât have to dwell on it and could move on.â
Well, no, people donât necessarily react to trauma in the same fashion, so expectations of how people should behave are absurd. As for therapists, there are some who make it worse by revictimizing, or re-traumatizing because they donât deal effectively with the repercussions of trauma. If youâre lucky enough to find the right counselor, therapy is excruciating work that leaves you raw and vulnerable to your very core. You have to be ready for it and strong enough to see it through.
So, yeah, no one has the right to decide for another person when itâs time to stop being angry, and to forgive and let go. Anger, like every other stage in the grieving process, must run its course.
If a person is never ready to stop being angry or forgive, itâs not for me or anyone else to judge. Healing is an ongoing process that, for all we know, may continue beyond this lifetime.
As I see it, we don’t forgive for the sole purpose of appeasing others. We do it when weâre prepared to rescue ourselves from the onslaught of continual suffering. And thatâs where, in situations that are not so cut and dried as to who did what to whom, coming to terms with the truth helps determine our level of responsibility.
In any case, we cannot allow people to deny our reality of what we experienced or accept their spin on it if it has no basis in truth. We donât want justification for what cannot be justified or for others to minimize the damage. We may be guilted and shamed into keeping quiet or making concessions, but to do so would impede our progress. Deciphering what is true and what is not is more important than appeasing others who need to deal with their own wounds. Their place in the healing process is different from ours, and we canât wait there with them. We have work to do.
For us, the secrets and lies must end. It’s a fight for our well-being and our sanity. Weâve already endured the pain of silence. Weâve suffered too much already from the consequences of denial. We went through years of being protectively dishonest. We told ourselves we were okay when we werenât yet. We said weâd survived while our brokenness continued and thought we were thriving when we were hanging on by the seat of our pants. We canât afford more delusions about any of it. We have a right to be well and whole again.
It is critical that we stand up for ourselves and find out who we are as opposed to what other people want or believe us to be. It is crucial that we slowly and continually peel off every layer of the false self we present to the world, that we become more and more honest with ourselves and others.
After that, forgiveness exists at different levels, all of which amount to some form of healing and resolution. Perhaps it is forgiveness for resolving differences, where two people have worked through it, allowing the truth to sort things, and their relationship to resume with a clean slate. Maybe itâs forgiveness for peace, where you donât have to trust this person again or have what you once had, but you’ve relinquished the hard feelings. And maybe it is purely for self-love and healing, and it doesnât involve having to deal with that person again.
No matter how it plays out, weâve taken our power back. It doesnât mean we wonât be triggered when we see the same thing happening to us or to someone else in the future, especially when those people are silenced or dismissed. But we will be whole again.
All I can say is, if Iâd bought into that nonsense of being unable to forgive, Iâd be permanently screwed. It would have kept me from rising in my power and from the ability to summon my courage and my strength whenever I need it.
The hell with that!
Copyright © Kyrian Lyndon January, 2019
Feature photo courtesy of Pixabay
Brave Wings is a new online magazine that focuses on the human conditionâwhatever we experience in life that helps us learn, grow, and evolve. Sharing perspectives about healing and empowerment can be exciting and helpful, but we also want to provide entertainment and fun while sharing the beauty of creativity.
Some of the topics we will cover:
Adversity, anxiety, artist(s), authors, books, writing (editing tips and experiences), childhood, classic literature, codependency, compassion, creativity, depression, dreams, ego, evolving, feeling unworthy, fiction pieces and excerpts, fun, giving back, gratitude, grief, growing, healing, hope, humanity, humility, humor, inspiration, interviews, judgment, learning, letting go, life, loss, love, mental health, narcissism, oppression, panic attacks, parenting, passion, poetry, politics, prejudice, reading and reviews, recovery from addiction and trauma, relationships, religion, romance, sadness, self-sabotage, self-care and self-love, shame, stigma, stress, and tolerance.
For entertainment, we are interested in short stories and book series (all genres). Weâre interested in humor.
For creativity, we may be interested in photos, handmade products, something that showcases your talent.
Content for submission will include blogs, videos, audios, slideshows, and photographs. Please see the submissions page for instructions on how to submit!
We will not pay for submissions at this time. However, we will always share your work on our social media sites, and we encourage all contributors to share magazine contents submitted by others on their social media sites. Helping one another with exposure is what will make this site work.
In addition, we will provide the following for all contributors to the magazine:
A listing in the contributor section, where more information (links, etc.) will be added with each contribution. The most frequent contributors may also have a few of their books, products, or recommendations in the listing.
The opportunity by contributors to submit news that provides opportunities for artistic communities, as well as their own business events and significant personal news, all of which we will share on our social media sites.
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For those privileges, you must be a regulator contributor. There are no deadlines. However, you must have contributed at least twice with acceptance and publication.
We do intend to have a community that includes a discussion forum and chat room where we can present topics hosted by contributors.
Our Announcement page will provide news of available opportunities within the artistic communities, including contests and contributor events.
We will post book reviews that are submitted by contributors, but we donât assign books for review.
We will post interviews by our contributors if they are relative to our platform. If you feel you are a good candidate for an interview, contact us at submissions@bravewingsmag.com.
If this venture is a success, we may eventually monetize and pay for content.
For those interested in getting involved, we may also need editors, site moderators, group moderators, page moderators, etc. who will have contributor status. Those most involved will be given domain e-mail addresses for the magazine. We have four more available, so if you love this idea, the opportunity is there to get as involved as youâd like.
Another thing Iâm tossing around is whether weâll have a group or newsletter for interested parties, so please, please, weigh in with your thoughts about everything! All suggestions are welcome!
Please visit our site at Bravewings.mag.com, and feel free to follow or subscribe.
“What other people think of me is none of my business.â
Yes, I’ve heard that, too, but I agree only in part. We still have to be accountable for our behavior, and it doesnât help to stubbornly insist we are fineâand that whatever we do is okay regardless of how many people say otherwise.
It doesnât mean we have to believe every negative thing anyone says about us. Itâs more about the willingness to consider what others have to say, whether we like what theyâre saying or not. Itâs about our responsibility to learn, grow, and evolve.
Everything comes back to balance for me, but when youâre able to set aside ego and keep an open mind, discernment about what to take personally and what to blow off becomes easier.
You can surely tell if something is malicious or plain stupid.
For example, and speaking as an author now, we put our work out there before a world that seems divided on just about everything. Everyone has opinions, not all of them based on reality or given by someone who has a reasonable frame of reference. Someone may read about a tragic event and say it isnât an accurate portrayal. You can write something that did happen or describe someone that was very real, and someone might see it as a misrepresentation because thatâs not what theyâve experienced. People also have personal biases and triggers. And, yes, sometimes the reason they donât like something has more to do with them than you. I have seen fellow writers get two-star book reviews for reasons that had nothing to do with the book. Some trolls will say negative things merely because they can.
But most of our antagonists or legitimate critics in life, personally and professionally, are people with their own agendas who may or may not have a vested interest in us. And sometimes, they are right on the money.
Unfortunately, however, some people fear criticism so much that they’re not able to live their dreams or find true happiness, They may put a toe in the water but never dive in.
What I have to say may help. It’s worked for me.
Years ago, I grappled with panic attacks and debilitating pain. I read somewhere that I could change my relationship with pain by changing my perspective on it.
That helped tremendously, and I soon realized you could do that with just about anything.
Criticism, like pain, isnât comfortable. It feels horrible, and we donât like feeling horrible, so we tell ourselves we canât handle it.
Take yourself out of fear mode and the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness. Acknowledge that youâre not comfortable. Tell yourself you can handle it, then decide how you will do that. You want to find the solution, control whatever it is you can control, and let go of whatever you canât. Stress only makes things worse.
You’re not alone. What’s happening to you is happening to others, maybe even at the same moment. So many people have been through it. You are no different from any of them and no less capable of handling it. Maybe it seems so much worse because it is happening to you.
On a professional level, people could tell us a thousand times about all the famous people whoâd been rejected over and over before the world realized how amazing they were. Many will say, âWell that wonât be me. Oh, but, what am I going to do if it is? How can I control that?â
You canât, and itâs not easy to get past all that righteous indignation you feel. Someone is criticizing or rejecting you or your behavior or your work, and you instinctively want to defend yourself. You become angry. You feel sad or ashamed. It hurts.
Understand first, that you are not the exception to every rule.
In recovery circles, we laughingly refer to ourselves as âjust another Bozo on the bus.â It may sound a bit harsh, but itâs a way of humbling yourself, and taking yourself off the pedestal. I like to think of myself as just another writer, another voice in the choir, and mostly just another person trying to learn and figure things out. Thatâs an accurate description. We are babies in this astounding old universe, and itâs okay to accept that weâre all vulnerableânot only to the force of nature and random happenings but to each other.
When we respect that, we donât see people as enemies and haters. We see them as people struggling to survive, like we are.
You are not this person the whole world is watching, and with ridiculous expectations, all the while hoping you will fail or die. I know we meet some nasty people in life that make it seem that way. Itâs not surprising that we end up seeing people through such a negative lens. But letâs refuse to believe anyone is that obsessed with us or that petty.
No matter whatâs happening, we need to believe that the world is with us, and that the universe supports us.
And with this shift in perspective, thereâs little need to be competitive or combative, no need for drama or denial or damage control.
I don’t know about you, but I can think of better things to do than spend my time and energy doing damage control for the sake of my ego. Itâs a full-time job, really, with plenty of overtimeâcontrolling how the world sees us and everything that we do. In fact, the business of hiding an inferiority complex behind some shield of superiority is downright exhausting. It becomes impossible to admit you are wrong and say you are sorry. It has you taking credit for all the good in situations and relationships but none of the bad.
Do you enjoy a challenge? Do you love to overcome problems and obstacles? I know I do. Understanding that you can do better helps. Wanting to do better can save your life.
Sometimes, we are lazy about fixing stuff. Itâs overwhelming. Itâs too much work. The reality of life is harsh and can bring unbearable pain. Denial is much more comforting.
I can tell you that, in the past decade, many people have praised me for things I once sucked at, and thatâs because somewhere along the line, someone provided me with valuable insight. I was willing to work at it, and so I benefited in the end.
Every critic is a teacher, planting seeds for our improvement and healing.
As far as I can tell, we have to keep listening to learn. On both a personal and professional level, there is always room for improvement. I am obsessed with learning more and more about things that have affected me in my lifeâthings that tripped me up when I had to deal with them in others or myself. I want to learn all I can, not because Iâm looking to point fingers but because awareness is everything. Iâve loved those big hallelujah moments where Iâve said, âHah! So, thatâs whatâs been going on!â Those were game-changing, life-altering moments. I canât help feeling grateful for every one of those opportunities.
So, fall in love with the process of learning, growing, evolving, and recovering. It helps us to succeed more and suffer less. And do it with the understanding that this is precisely how itâs supposed to go. Everything is an opportunity for growth, and even shitheads can make valid points. Embrace it. Accept it.
Itâs all part of a divine process that is always happening, and we are both a part of and a child of that divinity.
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© Copyright April , 2018 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
The robin in your tender heart
Hungers for the red berry
That titillates your tongue.
She carols as the snow fallsâ
And not with the chorus of the dawn
In radiant spring.
What might have been?
Your voice silenced,
The spirit of you
Destroyed,
I see glimpses of your fire
From the light that has vanished
From your eyes.
Your wings soar,
Only not to follow
Your heart.
And your heart is that of
A child,
Deeply vulnerable,
Precious,
So sensitive,
And sweet.
You inspire me
To change my perspective
With your unique vision
Of the world.
You shine with your brilliance,
And you donât know.
Your bursts of laughter
Make me smile.
As always, you are the light
In my darkness;
Your spirit is the fire I feel
In the sun’s warmth.
You were the dawn of my awakening,
And the splendor of my dreams.
And I have cried
For your heart
More than I have ever cried
For my own.
I am torn apart by
The intensity of your pain.
It is profound sadness
I feel,
When I think Iâve reached you
And then hit another wallâŠ
Hard.
I fear losing you forever
To your grief,
As I grieve, too,
For the subtleties
And cues
You donât understand.
Avoiding the eyes of others âŠ
Your intense frustration
In trying to get it right,
And thinking you have it all wrong.
You have it right,
So rightâ
Always did,
Always will.
I only wish you could know
The joy
Of being free.
The tentative smiles,
The looks of uncertainty,
Prompt me to tell you,
You got this.
Youâll be fine.
Whatever the passion,
Let it burn.
It will save you.
Retrieve every shattered fragment
Of your soul.
Accept it,
Embrace it,
Bless it with your peace.
Give it mighty and glorious wings,
And let it fly where it leads
Without fear,
Into the twilight of an infinite sky.
Be happy,
Shine,
Glow.
Love,
Dance,
Sing.
Celebrate yourself
And don’t stop singing
Your life’s song.
The song is your vision,
Your passion;
It belongs to you.
Without it,
You wither and die.
Don’t you, for one moment,
Let anyone crush your beautiful spirit.
Know, too, those who have crushed you
Have been crushed.
Those who pain you have been pained.
Still, you can rise again,
Become completely alive again
And shine on,
Just as you did before all the hurt began.
You are not defective,
My dear one,
Not a burden,
Nor do you struggle alone.
Iâm here with you.
I will always be with you.
You are
In every way
Beautiful.
Though you donât see that,
And you never have.
I just love you.
© Copyright October 9, 2016 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
Photo credit:Â Jasmine Waheed
Not everyone likes to plunge into that seemingly endless abyss where we face painful truths and endure the grueling process of healing.
Some deliberately avoid it, or they scatter a little bit of dirt to the side and then dart off in another direction, taking cover until they feel grounded enough to dig a little deeper.
People like us, though, we want to keep digging.
Weâve already been traumatized and shattered, you see, and, in those moments, we learned some of the best lessons of our lives. So, we know weâll be okay. We know, too, that we are learning to love with our whole hearts.
Amazingly enough, weâve been walking away from people that have exploited our vulnerabilities. Weâve been doing it for a while now, and weâre getting better at it. Maybe we were condemned for it, too, at one time or another, but weâd do it again in a heartbeat.  You see, we know we are vulnerable. We know how vulnerable we are. That is good because before we understood this, it was easy to lead us, to fool us, and to enslave us.
Weâve become patient with our healing process, and weâre trying hard to become more patient with the healing processes of others. Weâve been around long enough to wonder what is worseâ dealing with our own fears or the fear that motivates the masses.
It often seems that people donât truly want to understand each another, or they simply want people who are different or feel differently to go away.
Letting go is easy for some; I know. For us, it is painful and confusing. Maybe the energy needed to explain isnât there, or weâre tired of explaining, tired of the world, tired of ourselves. We examine our motives, our expectations. We donât always like our motives. We donât always trust our egos, and thatâs a good thing. People without clarity of conscience donât question themselves. They wonât say, âIâm glad I caught that. I can refrain. I can resist. I can do the right thing.â Theyâll just keep doing what theyâre doing, often not understanding what theyâre doing or why.
So, yes, the world can overwhelm. It makes some of us want to keep our worlds a little smaller, and, in our broken moments, we need time to fix things in our hearts.
We will work through the sadness. Â In a poetâs heart, anyway, it has its honored place. Weâll embrace it, feel all of its intense beauty, and weâll let it run its magnificent course.
Those of us who do this work and this digging do it because weâve had it with being terrified, with trying to protect our hearts and our secretsâthe image, the illusions, the payoff. Weâre tired of the denial that was our sole comfort, our only way to survive. When we came to fully accept that we are all just struggling humans, equal in importance, the shame that drove us to compete and control began to dissipate.
We kept replacing false with real, and weâve hung on to hope. Itâs not as easy as living in denial, but we know we have to get better. We know we have to do better.
For what itâs worth, as I see it, the truth is never one extreme or the other. Thereâs a lot of gray, and we always need balance.
But just so you know? When we shut down, when we distance, when we go deep or even go away, we donât hate you. We donât want to hurt you. Weâre grateful that you have been part of our experience. Weâre grateful for what youâve taught us. Weâre grateful for every blessing we have. Our hearts are bursting with love and often joy, and we still care. We continue to root for you, no matter what, and weâre always ready to listen, ready to resolve, and ready to heal.
Yes, we finally learned to love like that.
Recommended Link:
How to Make Your Ego Your Bitch by Gary Z. McGee
© Copyright January 30, 2017 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.Â
Photo cred: LisaBPhoto
by Kyrian Lyndon
Donât take yourself too damn seriously!
Accept that you are vulnerable, and make peace with that.
Be fearless!
If I had said these things to my younger self, it would not have had much of an impact. I wasn’t ready. But at some point in time, other people said these things to me, and even though I still wasn’t ready, they planted a seed. And every time someone plants a seed, he or she brings us closer to eventual healing and understanding. It certainly worked that way for me because, despite my stubbornness, I am always listening, and I always want to be a better version of me than I was yesterday.
So, last year, I read the first criticism of my work from a reviewer. Admittedly, it wasnât scathing; she had many nice things to say, but I was able to handle that in a way that I couldnât have all those years ago.I was curious more than anything, and I wanted to understand her point of view.
It was because, by then, I had stopped seeing myself the way I saw myself at the age of seventeen and for many years to comeâas the writer, the destined one, or, ack, some kind of chosen one. I had come to accept that I am one writer in an endless sea of writersâ just another voice in the choir.
Some people donât like this perspectiveâat all. Back then, I would not have liked it either.
Iâve heard, in response, âYou have to take yourself seriously or no one else will, right?â
Oh yes, for sure, but we can be serious, and we can be too serious. For me, the shift in perspective, from taking myself too seriously to taking myself just seriously enough has worked well.
When we see ourselves as a part of everything and not the center of everything, we begin to want for others what we want for ourselvesâsuccess! Weâre not in competition for that because we know there is enough to go around. When weâre taking ourselves too seriously, those other people do not exist except as competitors. Itâs about us and us only, so whatever happens to us is more important than what happens to everyone else. Less than favorable outcomes are magnified and often unbearable.
It helps to take it down a few notches and strive for a little humility. That includes checking ourselves and questioning the motivation behind decisions we make.
Itâs not as hard as it sounds, and, eventually, it becomes a part of who we are.
By striving to keep my ego in check, Iâm in a better position to handle criticisms and failures because I donât have to prove I am beyond reproach. I havenât placed myself up on a pedestal where I see myself as superior to and separate from others. I donât believe I am so important that my haters are just sitting around watching and waiting to laugh at me when I fail. If they are, then theyâre wasting precious time and wonât be able to achieve very much in their lives.
What this mind shift does is; it gives us permission to be vulnerableâpermission from ourselves because no one else is stopping us. Then, instead of worrying about what others will think, we just write from the heart. We focus on learning to master our craftâsomething we absolutely cannot do when we think we already have it all down.
Of course, we all want praise. We want the glowing five-star reviews. Thereâs nothing more gratifying than knowing your work has touched someone profoundly or thoroughly entertained as intended.
Friends kindly remind us that we all face rejection and that no one is above criticism. Thatâs true; someone has criticized every successful writer we know. But hearing that is not quite as comforting as itâs intended to be, so we secretly hope to be the exception.
We might beâif we tiptoe aroundâif we ask only our friends for reviews. Weâll get fewer reviews, but theyâll all be five-stars, right? On the other hand, if we want to reach millions of readers, we have to throw ourselves fearlessly into the arena, making ourselves more vulnerable to criticism.
Writer friends have said to me, âBut, what about the internet trolls?â
Well, the truth is, people who take themselves too seriously are the perfect target for trolls. They are the ones who will argue with the trolls, thinking they will somehow get that person to sympathize or agree. It wonât happen because trolls lack empathy, or, let’s face it, they wouldnât be trolls. If they know theyâve upset you, they will continue to provoke you. You canât get caught up in the futility of that.
At the same time, not everyone who doesnât like your work is a troll. There is legitimate criticism. We can get it from beta readers, good editors, and yes, honest reviews.
When it comes to betas and editors, we want that person who will say, about a particular scene, âYou can do better than that.â We get lazy sometimes even with so much at stake. Itâs wonderful to hear someone say, simply, âOh, itâs great, I love it!â But if youâre still trying to iron out the kinks in your story, thatâs not going to help you. I want to know where they got confused, where they got bored, what annoyed them, what characters they liked and didnât like. That will help me determine whether Iâm getting the effect I want. Not everyone will agree, of course, so it helps to get several people looking at your workâpeople who are not afraid to be objective and possibly upset you. Personally, I will not beta read for most people because I know I will give the honesty that Iâd want myself, and I realize not everyone can handle that. I have gotten upset myself once, but I got over it fast. We donât always have to agree with someoneâs criticism, but we need to be open to it.
My beta readers have me laughing hysterically with some of their comments, especially with things that need fixing or clarifying. A simple, âReally?â or âSeriously?â can have me in a fit of giggles. The times we are laughing together on the phone or in person are the most fun. Even if they say, âThis guy sounds like a douche,â Iâm only going to be concerned if heâs not supposed to be sounding like a douche, and then we talk that stuff out. A bit of lightheartedness and a good sense of humor is key.
In an early draft that I wrote many years ago, I had decided to start at the beginning of my characterâs life. By page 455, she was still twelve! I canât help laughing now about how ridiculous that was. I had so much to learn about brutal editing (cut, cut, cut), where to begin a story, proper outlining, etc., and I’m still learning!
In my latest book, Shattering Truths, I was anal about how I wanted to tell this story. It is deep and personal, not my story, but a story about things I had witnessed over the years and one that had become very precious to my heart. Itâs hard to be flexible when you are that emotionally involved, and, honestly, we become emotionally involved in all of our books, so we are incredibly biased. I needed feedback, and then, simply, to let go of what wasnât working.
The truth is, we never stop learning, and there is always room to improve! Iâm sure even the most successful writers would admit that, so it helps to embrace the learning process. Our confidence will increase as we evolve.
Itâs all about honesty and integrity, and just being the best you can be. đ
© Copyright April 15, 2017 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
photo credit: Sarvodaya Shramadana Movement
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People suffering from lower back pain often ask me how I manage scoliosis and lumbar spine disk disease, because I do manage it, despite having a disk determined to be âshotâ rendering me a bad candidate for back surgery. One doctor told me I would end up in a wheelchair, but I havenât had a back episode in years, and I do not take or need pain medication of any kind.
As an advocate of healing mind, body, and soul from all trauma, I hate to see people suffer, so Iâm happy to pass along what has worked for me.
I am not a doctor or any authority on health. Iâm just someone who has learned a lot through experience and from chiropractors who are willing to teach you what you need to know. These solutions won’t be enough for everyone dealing with pain, but most of it will help tremendously, and it will certainly help people who are in a situation similar to mine.
Letâs start with the mental stuff. I read somewhere that I needed to change my relationship with pain. If this sounds hokey, itâs not. I learned that while I could endure almost unbearable emotional pain, the biggest fears I had were things that could lead to physical pain. I was terrified of physical pain. I wanted to be comfortable all the time and couldnât accept being uncomfortable ever. I feared it so much; it caused anxiety, and that only made things worse.
Changing my relationship with pain required getting to a place where I could accept when I was uncomfortable and hurting. I needed to remind myself that I wasnât the only person on earth this was happening to, that aches and pains were normal, in fact, and people deal with it all the time. I also came to recognize that the physical pain I had was not solely a result of this inevitable thing inflicted upon me by some disorder I had no control over; it was my body telling me that something needed attention. Something I was doing or not doing needed to change. I hadnât realized how reckless Iâd been with my body throughout my life, never giving it the tender loving care it deserved. I needed to take care of it and take care of myself, and I needed to know I was worth that. This realization helped, as did the relaxed attitude of seeing myself as just another person on the planet dealing with something unpleasant and seeing myself as a more confident, take-charge person who could address and remedy situations. It means not only learning to love yourself but to trust and believe in yourself as well.
So letâs talk about treating the pain.
I donât know about you, but I used to panic whenever I felt pain. It made me want to stop everything and get to a place where I could lie down and stay there. That’s a good time to stay away from coffee and sugar. These days, I donât have to avoid coffee or sugar if Iâm feeling a little off, because I understand how everything works, and I donât panic. Until you get to that place, avoid those things when youâre feeling vulnerable.
Now, for me, ice treatments are everything. A chiropractor taught me to lay on my stomach with a small pillow rolled under my navel to elevate the lower half of my body and then put the ice pack right in the middle of my lower back (no matter where the pain is). Another way is to lie on your back with a pillow under your legs and the ice in the middle of your lower back, never less than twelve minutes, never more than twenty, and the ice pack should have a sheath. If you don’t have a wrap for it, you can put it over your thin T-shirt rather than under it, but it should never be directly on your skin. While in the worst pain where I could barely move, I did twenty minutes of ice every two hours. People who canât stand ice can use heat, but itâs best to do ice at least for the first couple of days to reduce the inflammation. I rarely have to do an ice treatment now, but I try to do one at least once a week. It just feels good. đ
I do have an ice pack I can use at my desk, too, with a wraparound belt that has a pocket for the ice. I bought an extra one to take to the office with me when I worked for a law firm. I kept the ice in their refrigerator and the belt in my desk.
Years ago, I used back braces. They help but can also be a crutch, so itâs good if you use them as needed and wean yourself away as you can.
There are those who canât function without pain medication, and I understand that. Back when I was struggling, I took Tylenol every four to five hours for days until I was better. That worked to reduce the inflammation, and there were occasions doctors had prescribed stronger medications. However, even Tylenol and Advil are getting a bad rap these days, so for people like me who donât want to use these medications, Iâm including a link below about natural alternatives.
A lot of time, too, our neck is out of whack, and it throws everything off. Take a small pillow or towel and roll it up tight, lie on your back and put that pillow behind your neck. Relax like that for twenty minutes or so whenever needed.
As for prevention, you may already know some or all of these things, but since I run into so many people who donât know, Iâll cover it all.
First, having a solid abdominal core is essential. For some people, this means changing eating habits, making healthier choices, but others who may not necessarily be out of shape can still have weak cores. In my experience, I would always exercise but then stop for weeks when I felt any pain and slowly rebuild my strength. I was also causing injury by not doing the exercises correctly. While itâs true that you shouldnât exercise while you are in pain or to the point of pain, sometimes the pain issue is resolved within a day. The trick is to get back on track when you can, even if you can only manage pelvic tilts. When your core is strong, your back is not so vulnerable. For people who canât get to a gym, there are great exercise tapes on the market. You can do your workouts at home, and the instructors tell you how to do it right, so you arenât injured. Ideally, you want to work all the muscles in your body, and you want to include strength training, yoga, Pilates, and aerobics in your routine. However, if you donât have a lot of time to work out, you can at least do abdominal exercises five times a week for ten to fifteen minutes.
I mentioned that pain sometimes resolves itself within a day. Iâm talking about food digestion. Very often, the pain people feel in their lower back comes from being bloated and unable to digest food. If this is going on for days, maybe youâre not drinking enough water. I try to drink eight to ten glasses daily. When people get older, they need to add more fiber to their diets.
When my back problems began, one of the first things my doctor told me was to stop lifting my toddler and bending at the waist to pick up his toys and all that. You should always bend at the knees anyway.
If you have back issues, it wonât help you to stay in any one position for too long. That sucks, I knowâespecially if you have to sit all day at work. Get up and stretch when you can. Itâs the same with standing and walking. If you have to stand a long time, walk around a little or sit when you can. A mile-long walk is usually fine but can backfire if youâre hurting. Lying in bed for days isnât good either. When you are injured, you canât help that, but as soon as you can, get up every so often and walk a little farther and for a little longer each time.
Everyone knows itâs important to stretch after exercising, but when you have lower back issues, you can take time to stretch even when youâre not beginning or ending a workout.I have a big purple Pilates ball that I can use for stretching at home. You donât need one to do stretches, but theyâre awesome, and they usually come with instruction on how to use them.
Your doctor may have already told you that you need a good mattress and to get a restful sleep every night.
Your back should always be flat against the chair youâre sitting in, no space between your back and the chair. Youâll probably find chairs with arms and high backs to be more comfortable and supportive. I also use a lower back pillow when I’m working at my desk.
All this may sound like a lot of upkeep, but itâs a lifestyle change and becomes second nature to you once you get used to it, so please donât be discouraged, or give up. Believe me; I know how debilitating this can be, so I don’t want you to suffer for years as I did.
Hope you feel better!
Suggested Reading:
Changing Your Relationship with Pain
Doing Yoga Changes the Way Your Brain Handles Pain
Can Natural Supplements Help with Pain?
7 Stretches In 7 Minutes For Complete Lower Back Pain Relief
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© Copyright October 9, 2016 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.
Dodinsky photo with quote by BK
I tripped over the uneven sidewalk on my block a month ago, twisting my foot twice trying to prevent the fall. I couldn’t flex my foot without feeling pain. I went home, got in bed, put ice on my foot and fell asleep. Then the building’s central fire alarm went off.
The sheer volume of that alarm is horrifying.
I got dressed in a panic, unable to lay my foot flat, and hobbled down three flights. A frail silver-haired woman carrying a birdcage appeared to be doing just fine and offered help. By the time I reached the bottom, everyone had wanted to help.
I thought the incident would have caused more damage, but the next day, my foot seemed better. I figured if I could hobble down three flights to flee a fire or an ear-shattering alarm, I didn’t need to see a doctor or get an x-ray. In fact, I should continue working out, cooking, cleaningâall the things my OCD tells me cannot wait. (As an aside, my ex-boss said she loved hiring OCD people because they get things done if it kills them.)
The thing is I am always saying you can’t get to the solution of any problem and stay in the solution until you accept the problem. But I didn’t want this inconvenience, this foot injury thing. Summer had arrived. Aside from that, I had deadlines, goals, plans. I said, a few times, this is a bad time for this to happen as if there are good times for it to happen.
It turns out, the pain from a stress fracture typically settles in after a couple of days, but the recovery process is just beginning. If you don’t take care of the injury, it gets worse.
I made the appointment.
An x-ray showed a fifth metatarsal stress fracture with the bone still in place. I didnât need surgery, but they saddled me with this very expensive and hideous CAM boot.
They also gave me greasy Pain Stat cream. I don’t know how much that cost, but it is very messy, slippery stuff. I didn’t like it.
No one encouraged me to stay off the foot. In fact, the physical therapist said, “Hey if you’re comfortable walking twenty blocks, walk twenty blocks.” No one said anything to me about shoes either. Maybe they thought I would figure it out for myself, but I wasn’t thinking clearly in between all the stress and denial.
It doesn’t take long to figure it out. Walking around the neighborhood with legs of two different lengths and one heavy boot is not good. It throws your hip out of whack, and when you get home, everything hurtsâcalves, other foot, hip, back, everything but the foot in the boot. I started looking in my closet for shoes to match the height of the boot. I had nothing like that. I threw out my sneakers months ago when I moved. I never wore them.
My chiropractor said the imbalance consequences are common while being treated for this type of injury. She confirmed that the shoe you wear on the other foot, preferably a sneaker, must be the same height of the CAM boot. She also suggested Arnica Gel instead of Pain Stat. It does the same thing without the grease. She further explained that when something like this happens, it causes inflammation throughout your body. You have to eat things that are not inflammatory. So throughout the ordeal, you eat right, rest, ice, be gentle with yourself, and take good care of those other parts like your back. You must send lots of love to your bodyâTLC.
I went back to the podiatrist and told him about the imbalance problem. Well, they had a solution for that all along but never mentioned it. How do you like that? They gave me an adjustment for the other foot before I left. It was a flimsy rubber thing to put over a shoe. They didn’t seem to care what shoe I put it on or whether it was a close match, and it was another $50. I could have bought another pair of shoes.
I did buy sneakers, and then the boot was comfortable as long as the sneaker and adjustment gadget were on the other foot. That made it even. You feel kind of like a monster walking down the street and a little slow, but nobody’s going to mess with you.
After weeks of compliance, the foot only bothered me when I took the boot offâmuscle atrophy.
I got to replace the monster CAM boot with a small ankle/foot brace after only three weeks. My foot was back to normal except for the atrophy. Considering, too, all the footbaths and “physical therapy” they keep giving me without asking⊠this little mishap was costly. That’s a good incentive for me to pay attention and watch where I am going.
I know that a fifth metatarsal fracture is not the worst thing that can happen to someone. In fact, it’s very low on the list of awful things that can happen. I hope it never happens to anyone reading this, but if it does, I hope sharing some of my mistakes will help.
I’m a happy camper now.
It’s funny, though, realizing what you’d taken for grantedâlike when I’m listening to music, and I want to dance. You begin to do it, forgetting. Soon I will, though. Be ready.
© Copyright June 12, 2015 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com. All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission. e/mail