GOOD FOREIGN FILMS AND LOVE OF LANGUAGE

I love language. I love learning new languages and more of my own. We often acknowledge the affinity between a love of language and being a poet or a writer. Still, I’m sure this passion isn’t limited to writers or even linguists for that matter.

I can tell you that this poet and writer enjoys watching foreign films as much as I enjoy English-speaking films. German films are among my favorite. The Dark series was brilliant, and Dear Child is another really good one. (I believe they are both still on Netflix.) Watching those, I learned a bit of German and would walk around the house saying German words or pronouncing “good” the German way. 😂

Spanish films are another favorite.

I remember a lot of Spanish from growing up with a Spanish mom. Even with my Italian dad, I knew more Spanish than Italian because I had a lot more Spanish-speaking relatives than Italian ones. Honestly, though, my son took four years of Spanish in high school and is more fluent in that language than I am, but aside from the Spanish shows I watch, I’ve been taking a refresher course. So, now I know a lot more Spanish than I ever did, and I’ll continue to learn.

Of course, people can watch these shows in English, but they are all better in their original language with English subtitles.

What do I watch? Suspenseful thrillers. That’s what I love. One Spanish series I really liked was Who is Erin Carter? on Netflix. Now I’m watching You Cannot Hide, also on Netflix. —so far so good.

In this post, however, I want to give a shoutout to one Spanish show in particular, a series I finished about a week ago—Alba on Netflix. I’m not sure how many of you have watched it or plan to watch it, but if you are going to watch, just be aware that there’s substance abuse, profanity, nudity, sex, and sexual violence.

Now, this is where my blog goes from lighthearted to a bit heavy and distressing, as I grapple with a topic that is extremely important to me and to many.

Alba is based on a Turkish novel called Fatmagül’ün Suçu Ne? and begins with a beautiful young woman awakening on a beach in Spain. Evidence reveals that she was the victim of a sexual assault, but she doesn’t remember anything. Her continuing story depicts the all-too-common experience of trying to prove her case while dealing with further abuse, threats, humiliation, and more. 

I do understand that some people don’t like this topic or can’t watch shows like this that trigger them. For those interested, however, please check out the trailer and read on.

This brave undertaking of Alba’s story resonated with global audiences and gained mass acclaim, but some of the criticism frustrates me.

A few called Alba unrealistic, and I can only imagine they never experienced it or been close to someone who has. There were complaints that it dragged on too long and was a “telenovela” quality drama.

For me, Alba is painfully raw in its authenticity. It’s powerful and intense, with some riveting twists and turns. Filmed in locations throughout Spain, it has a backdrop of glorious scenery. The cast is great. Elena Rivera in the titular role is excellent. Pol Hermoso is truly impressive. Jason Fernández’s facial expressions and non-verbal reactions spoke volumes for his character, and Álvaro Rico’s more nuanced performance is spot on.

Some called Alba a weak character. Again, I can’t imagine anyone who has experienced anything like this in their life or in the life a loved one would make a comment like that. What the young woman in this film endured for justice is something many of us only wish we had the courage to do. Personally, I don’t know how she hung in there through all of what her rapists and their enablers put her through. She was undoubtedly empowering and the hero of her story. 

For a project taking on an important social issue I say, “Well done!” It’s worth watching for anyone who can handle it, and it is a must-watch for people who don’t quite understand what victims go through in the aftermath. As with everything, though, the people who need to watch it most probably won’t. Certain comments I read had me wondering if there are people who simply find reality uncomfortable and would prefer to look the other way. Other comments gave me the impression that some people who have victimized others or enabled perpetrators have found ways to justify what they’ve done and prefer to remain in denial.

Still, we should always continue creating awareness through movies and books.

Pol Hermoso, the Alba actor who so convincingly played what might be considered one of the most angry, violent, and abusive characters on the show, made quite an interesting statement. His character was so despicable that it kind of surprised me to read it. He said to the fans, “Thank you very much to all who have been there week after week giving voice to a topic so current and unfortunately so repetitive. Projects like this give meaning to our profession and push us to continue researching. Thank you.”

Amen to that!

I CAN’T SAY THIS ENOUGH

As an awareness advocate for trauma healing and recovery, I tend to talk about rape more than I’d like to. It’s challenging because some people are tired of hearing and reading about it, but the problem is many more are tired of experiencing it and witnessing the backlash of the accused and their supporters.

There is a massive disconnect in the sense that many people are so afraid of accusations that they can’t properly empathize with victims. Of course, when people in positions of power insist that they themselves are victims (of coordinated malicious reporting effected by government operatives and gold-diggers), there is an escalation of fear and a diminishment of empathy.

The reality is most people have never had a scandal attached to their name. Maybe it’s because most of us properly teach and caution our boys as we teach and caution our girls. And, no, it’s not always the parents’ fault how a child turns out, but proper parenting is one way we can certainly help.

Throughout life, I’ve witnessed some parents ignoring or encouraging predatory behavior. Some are so afraid their child won’t be “normal” by their standards that they start early pressuring them to objectify women or are encouraged by their objectification of women, thinking, “Atta boy.”

As far as the backlash against survivors, some questions and comments surface repeatedly as if the culprits aren’t listening.

Let’s start with this one:

“He’s a good-looking guy and/or he’s rich. He can have any woman he wants, so why would he do that?”

Well, first, I can assure you, whoever it is you’re talking about cannot get anyone he wants. You know that saying, “One man’s treasure is another man’s trash?” How about “Different strokes for different folks” or “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?”

A man who has many women drooling may repulse many others, and usually, it has to do with behavior. Everyone hears the word no, and the more aggressive someone is in pursuit of others, the more often they will be told no.

For their ego’s sake, many predators want to believe they can have whomever they want. And that monumental ego can’t handle rejection.

More importantly, it’s not just about getting laid for these predators. It’s about conquest and power. Some of these guys live to humiliate others or, at least, women. They may act like the playboy and project this image of loving women when a part of them truly hates women for every rejection they’ve ever experienced, including their own mother’s. And the same is true for many people who rush to defend the perpetrators and in the same breath, malign the whistle blowers. I don’t think you can say you like or love women when you dismiss their pain and suffering so readily.

Following articles about rape, I see comments like “Conniving women strike again.”

They’ll remind us that a person is innocent until proven guilty, and despite overwhelming evidence, they’ll continue to say it. At the same time, they will assassinate the character of a woman reporting a sex crime by perpetuating unfounded allegations that she is a liar, a gold-digger, or part of a conspiracy.

Someone said recently that life is dull these days with all the considerations and correct measures taken to protect the work environment. “People are so needy now,” another responded.

So, for people of this mindset, life is dull when they can’t humiliate people or make them uncomfortable—when they can’t abuse anyone. Sadly, it’s not even that they can’t because they do. They want to be able to do it without any pushback or repercussions, as if the rights of the culprit are the only rights that matter.

To state the obvious, rules, training, and safety measures concerning work conduct exist to provide everyone with a safe and productive work environment. Without this oversight, abuse runs rampant.

 What the hell kind of life do some people have when it’s no longer fun because they can’t be abusive?

Obviously, we have to teach our kids that they don’t need to oppress people to have fun in life.

Here’s another frequent question:

Why wasn’t it reported? Why didn’t the person go to the police?”

Rape is the most underreported crime there is. The majority of victims never report it.

Many people are unaware of rape trauma syndrome.

In the acute phase of rape trauma syndrome, victims are in shock, still experiencing fear and disbelief. A rape survivor can remain in that phase anywhere from days to weeks. After that, they enter a stage where they’re trying to get on with their lives while continuing to suffer. They are likely still afraid, anxious, and even depressed. They’re not back to normal despite trying to be.

In the final long-term reorganization phase, long-standing issues of self-esteem and fear continue to surface. Survivors continue to think about it, sometimes to the point of obsession, and they still may not be ready to talk about it.

Because not everyone responds the same way, people don’t realize that many survivors go through a very long period of emotional instability while experiencing extreme anxiety and fear. They feel everything from guilt and shame to humiliation and disgust. They can be in an obsessive hypervigilant stage for a very long time.

So, if people don’t seem to act rationally after experiencing rape, that might explain it. 

People often do not think about justice when something like this happens to them. Some go into denial and don’t deal with it for years and years if they ever deal with it. Trauma shatters you. It breaks you. It takes time to put the pieces together and heal.

Getting evidence and proving your case beyond a shadow of a doubt at this point is almost futile, and the attorneys for the defense will do everything in their power to discredit an already traumatized person.

The next question is always:

“Why did they go to the media instead?”

When most survivors finally reach a point where they need or want to share what happened to help themselves or others, the statute of limitations has likely expired. Going to the police at that point would be useless. If they can get media attention, their story can prompt an investigation or other victims to come forward. This path can lead to justice or, at least, an end to the abusive behavior. They don’t get compensated monetarily for that. They don’t even necessarily get justice for themselves, but they may save someone else from the same trauma.

I’ve said this before, but it would help so much if we were all on the same side. Then, instead of just protecting other women or just protecting men, we can protect each other. As global citizens, we all have the responsibility to do everything we can to end the violence. It’s time.

See more resources for survivors at helping survivors.org

Feature image of woman by Anja from Pixabay

Sources for statistics at top of blog:

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/scope-problem

https://www.nsvrc.org/resource/2500/national-intimate-partner-and-sexual-violence-survey-2015-data-brief-updated-release