There’s this guy I’ve run into on several occasions. We’ve had conversations in passing. He knows I write books. Last time we crossed paths, he said I should write his life story. Because there are those who think writers sit around waiting for someone to offer up a life story or provide ideas. Right now, I have so many ideas lined up that I’m good until 2025—if I live that long. (I’m going to try.) 😉

Back to the guy. He said he had a bad life, so I encouraged him to write the book himself, pointing out that it would be cathartic and could help others. (I did have to explain cathartic.)

“But I lead a double life,” he said.

My first thought was, the guy is a serial killer.

He cleared that up. “But I have not committed any crimes or broken the law. It’s about relationships.”

You knew he was going to tell me the whole story, right, no matter how long it took? He had a live-in love and a girlfriend on the side who was herself married. Somewhere along the line, he also had an affair with a co-worker. It occurred to me then, he had asked me out in the past, and I said no. I had totally forgotten about that.

As an awareness advocate, I told him to be careful. He ignored that and kept talking which, sadly, is all too common. People who take unnecessary risks for attention, admiration, adoration, etc., are in total denial about how the possible consequences could affect their significant others.

In fact, he seemed all caught up in the drama of it all. He laughed and told me I could call this book, The Cheater. He thought this was an amazing idea! It crossed my mind that he could be on the Jerry Springer show (though I do realize all that is staged). But this would never occur to him, you see, because he thinks his story is unique.

The reality is, there are too many people like him running around on the planet. I’m sure it’s not only men who do it, though the ones who try it with me are (usually). 😉 They think it’s fun or amusing, but they play a very dangerous game—one that has nothing to do with me or their other targets of lust. It is all about them—the cheaters, the predators. While I do understand the origin of their delusions, I have been avoiding these people since I was twelve.

And predictably, before the end of our conversation, this guy asked me if I had any plans for lunch. Did he think I was an idiot?

Oh, I don’t doubt that there are those rare instances where two people happen to fall in love, maybe realizing they married the wrong people. More than likely, though, it’s a game where somebody needs their ego stroked. They are junkies in need of a temporary fix, and the cost of denial is too much—way too much.

“The worst of all deceptions is self-deception.”—Plato


Related Links:

The Infidelity Epidemic
Dangerous Myths About Infidelity
HIV Transmission from Infidelity Higher Than Previously Thought

Be safe. Be informed!

© Copyright January 16, 2015 by Kyrian Lyndon at All rights reserved. No reproduction permitted without permission.


  1. argh, WHY do people think that this is totally new age?! Do they not think that it causes hurt and upset all round?! Even when girls say, or even think, they are okay with it, just to keep this guy it’s got to cause so much damage that obviously they bottle up.
    I had a similar-ish experience, a guy i split with as I was NEVER a priority to him, despite being told that I was etc etc asked if we could get back together – while also seeing this other girl at the same time! I’m like: are you serious!?
    I feel sorry for him though, and her. I’m just removed from the situation and he’s now a non-entity to me.

    A good blog post! Makes you think, was NOT planning on getting that personal on a Sunday morning!


    • Thank you, Katie, and I’m sorry about what you’ve experienced. Yeah, it’s all too common. 😦 I understood, too, the compassion for all involved, because these people have no idea what their problem is, sadly. Good for you that you are moving on. Wish you all the best!


  2. Oh yes, these people lurk out there seeking attention and as you put it so well, “They are junkies in need of a temporary fix, and the cost of denial is too much—way too much.” Thank you for another well written and real blog. I love your writing and YOU …


  3. Hmm can i be a judge of this man? Nope i can’t but i no what you mean. In his mind, he has an epic story that could make the big screens maybe. Somehow i get the impression he has no regrets and his life story continues right?


    • Well, it’s interesting. I see sadness in his eyes, a look I have seen in many of their eyes. It’s a moment you catch when there is a sheepish sort of smile, and you can see the sadness, but they try to cover it up most of the time with a smile.


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