Iâve been shut down and holed up here in my little world, feeling very disconnected. Itâs like I activated my âoff buttonâ and canât seem to switch it back on for long. I wonder how many of you need to do that now and then. I also had a sinus infection and then a pinky toe stress fracture, which I still have.
Last Friday, I went to have blood work doneâall ready to do the people thing. The nurse drawing the blood didnât have a printout for the thyroid part of the order. She told me to go to the front desk and ask them to print out that order. When I did that, they printed the same one she already had, and the nurse told me to go back again and tell them it wasnât the correct printout. So, the woman at the front desk got all flustered. She complained to someone on the phone that this was âreally stressing her out.â I have to walk back and forth with one sneaker and one shoe cast s to get printouts that should be in the lab, and sheâs stressed out. Then she keeps repeating into the phone, âI know. I know, right?â
At one time in my life, I would have had to say something to her, but I just wanted to achieve what I was there to accomplish and get out of there. I explained politely, remaining calm, and someone eventually took care of it. I mean, have your little hissy fit, just give me what I need, and Iâm gone. These little things are not worth my peace anymore.Â
Anyway, during the healing process, I have been writing a lot. My new poetry book is almost complete. A paranormal fantasy book is underway, along with the sequels to Shattering Truths.Â
The idea I had for a non-fiction book has turned into something else entirelyâa somewhat shocking recovery memoir. Itâs not fiction like Shattering Truths, so, for me, it is a huge deal. Iâve written most of it already, and I hope I donât change my mind about publishing it. I believe it can, at the very least, be helpful to someone.Â
Iâll be looking for beta readers whoâd like to read along and give input for any of these projects.
Of course, Iâve been reading a lot of books, too. Right now, I have a few lined up that are about Edinburgh detectives. Itâs what Iâm into right now, reading about Scotland and these mystery thrillers.
I watched a lot of the heartbreaking Derek Chauvin trial, and I’ve read about all these shootings across the country (including a recent one in my county on Long Island). For quite a while now, this whole world has needed a reset button. I always thought if there is a divine message for us, it would be, âStart over, people. You can do way better than that.â
 I am such a fan of the 100. I love Suits, and Dark Shadows is one of my all-time favorites. Lucifer is hilarious, and I like Bridgerton, but Iâm still waiting to see what all the fuss is about.
(It takes me a long time to get through a series because I may watch one show a night.)
What about you? What are you watching? Let me know in the comments, and, stay safe and well! â¤ď¸
We’ve seen it with the COVID situation. Mocking, taunting, and terrorizing people who adhere to the restrictions is a thing now. The perpetrators donât value your life. To them, itâs all a big joke. Iâm not sure if itâs a matter of selected compassion reserved for people who are like them and agree with them, or an issue of not having empathy at all.
Of course, it stands to reason then, they would rather not hear that black lives matter or that we need racial justice and equality. It makes them angry or uncomfortable, and maybe they will despise me for talking about it. But this problem is so much bigger than them or me or even George Floyd specifically. Itâs not something that just happened or something unusual. Itâs not a situation where there are two sides.
Believe me, the people who were not outraged by what happened to George Floyd, Ahmaud Aubrey, Breonna Taylor, and countless other black victims of police brutality were indeed outraged about the riots. When they mention George Floyd, they refer to his death as a tragedy and not a cold-blooded murder or lynching, which is what it was.
Some are quick to say, well, he had a violent past. Yes, thatâs true. Itâs also true that he served his time and was trying to turn his life around. But thatâs beside the point. There was nothingâabsolutely nothingâ that justified excessive use of force in his arrest, let alone murder.
The truth hurts. But we have to deal with it. We have to talk about it because we must change the system.
Most of us donât want to see others get robbed or shot or suffer a devastating loss. Speaking for myself alone, Iâm a humanist. I canât stand to see anyone suffer or live in fear. We hurt people enough unintentionally because we are human. Still, when you harm others willfully and maliciously or wish it or condone it or ignore it, I donât see your humanity at all.
And if you are willing to break the law during a COVID pandemicâ defiantly putting others at risk so that you can buy a donut in person or get your stupid ass nails done, you donât get to complain to me about any of this. You are willing to harm others because of your rage, yet you cannot grasp why some protesters may cross the line and seek to harm because of what anger they feel over something that actually matters.
In other words, itâs okay to be an angry white person, but itâs not okay to be an angry black person. We can deal with those angry white people armed to the teeth. But we canât deal with a scared and unarmed black person who doesnât want to get arrested. Violence isn’t the answer. Neither is breaking the law. It shouldn’t matter who you are.
Similarly, freedom of speech should extend to all. However, when we start speaking up about racial injustice, people want to shut it down.
And, as we know, many of those incensed over the riots were not okay with any form of protest, peaceful or otherwise. They are the same people always clamoring about a civil war and threatening to start one. What the hell do they think happens during a civil war? It would be far worse than anything weâve seen play out during these protests.
They fear tyranny so much that they wonât protect themselves and others in a pandemic. Still, they donât mind police using excessive force on protesters, and they donât see a problem with deploying the military against its citizens. Isnât that the reason they are always harping about the second amendment? Isnât that why they fear the government is coming for their guns? Or do they think they will never be brutalized or killed standing up for whatâs right because they are white? Think again. Power and greed continue to corrupt our government. Oh, wait, you already know that. Itâs why you wonât give up your guns.
By the way, do the people who keep blaming Antifa for everything even know what Antifa is? I admit I didnât know myself until recently. What I now understand is, Antifa stands for antifascism and is not an entity. Itâs a movement, a stance you take. Anyone can claim to be Antifa. Didnât Twitter recently close down an account of white nationalists pretending to represent Antifa and calling for violence? Why, yes, they did! There are also links to information about white supremacist groups showing up at protests and wreaking havoc attributed to Antifa and the protestors. The FBI supposedly investigated âAntifaâ and came up with nothing. My guess is, most of the protesters are legitimate. Others have another agenda. I donât know anything for sure. Neither do you. But I will say, it does make sense to me that white supremacists would sabotage a protest for racial justice. They know how to get their base outraged, and itâs not by murdering a black man in cold blood.
Police have a difficult job to do. I know that. We need them, and, to enforce the law, they have to be tough. I get it. You’re talking to a huge fan of detective shows here. In the book I’m currently writing, my main character is a detective, and though he’s flawed like every other human, he’s been one of my favorite characters to write.
I always say it takes all kinds. I’ve met very kind police officers, and I’ve met some nasty ones. Believe it or not, I want to understand them, too.
According to the National Center for Women and Policing, “Two studies have found that at least 40 percent of police officer families experience domestic violence, in contrast to 10 percent of families in the general population. A third study of older and more experienced officers found a rate of 24 percent, indicating that domestic violence is two to four times more common among police families than American families in general.”
Women in these situations are often terrified of taking action because their partners have the backing of their fellow officers.
Hazelden Betty Ford.org notes, “In 2010, a study of police officers working in urban areas found that 11% of male officers and 16% of female officers reported alcohol use levels deemed “at-risk” by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA).” Also noted is a “high prevalence of psychological and pathological stress disorders such as PTSD when already stressed officers are exposed to traumatic events.”
Police Psychology.com has information on its website about the problems and difficulties that unexpressed anger can create. They cite “pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile.”
My question is, are we doing enough to help police officers, or is the system failing them, too?
We have outreach programs and resources, but, as explained by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, “Law enforcement officers are often reluctant to seek professional support for a variety of reasons. Officers, who have been trained to act independently and maintain constant emotional control, may view the need for support services as a sign of personal weakness. Even if they recognize that they would benefit from it.â
Police officers must get the help they need.
We all want to believe most cops are good, many of them as brokenhearted as we are when they see what is happening. If that’s true that most are good, then they outnumber the bad guys whose actions harm them as well. I get why they may be afraid to stand up to the others, but enabling them can’t be the answer. It makes them part of a toxic environment that could not exist without their cooperation or their silence.
Conclusion
One thing I’ve learned is, with all the fake videos and misinformation floating around, we need to fact check. A lot of people don’t bother. They pretty much parrot what everyone else is drilling into their brain. If you donât have a mind of your own, you can easily get lost in all the bullshit. Thatâs why we are where we are today. Â
Lucky for me, I stubbornly decided, many, many years ago, to follow my heart. To determine what I believed based on my experience â not what others told me. I’ve wanted no part of the hateful, self-righteous, self-entitled anger that crushed my spirit almost every damn day, growing up. It was like a poison doled out to everyone in the neighborhood, and I wouldnât drink it.Â